So I have this friend, a newer friend, although I have known of her for many years and I have been connected to her in some way over the last five years.  Truth be told, I have had the total “girlcrush” on this person - in a totally heterosexual way - like she is the coolest, smartest and most fun person I have ever known and if we were in high school I would definitely want to hang with her group of kids.  Of course, her group of kids would be a bunch of major overachievers and I would have to fake my way in somehow, but it would be worth it just to hang with her and do what she does and have the kind of work and life that she has.  In a non-stalker way - really - I mean it.  ANYWAY.  This friend, whom I will refer to as MAD, some of you will know who she is, but there is no need to get all name droppy and whatever, she has lifted me up in prayer and has been a great source of grace to me during this terrible trial in the life of my family.  [Sidebar:  She is another one of those UVA people that actually make me feel bad that I have built up this animosity towards all that is Wahoo.  I really may have to rethink this.  No wait….Lets not get crazy.] 

My friend, MAD, has been best friends and I guess “significant other” or whatever those cool, California people call it, with this guy for something like maybe 10 or 12 years.  I know that they live together in fabulous Idaho when she is not in CA being a Titan of the software industry, but I have never met her beloved.  He must have been REALLY cool to be MAD’s boyfriend, that’s all I have to say.  And it’s such a hoot that he sounds like such a nice, Jewish boy that my parents would have LOVED me to settle down with.  But, since most Jewish men are overachievers, of course this guy would be with the UVA/NavalOfficer/IndustryTitan beautiful blond and not me.  But I bet his parents still would have liked me just cuz I’m tribe… but I digress.  My point is, that MAD has been with this guy forever, and for much of that time, at least as long as I have known her, he has fought some kind of cancer.  Although, he certainly didn’t sound like the kind of “cancer victim” I ever knew because he was an extreme surfer and skiier and, I am sure, a total stud.  But yesterday, my friend MAD’s beloved died.  And it is so sad for her and for his family and for her family and for their MANY friends (and potential stalkers like me), I can’t believe how this affected me, and I never met him.  But he was Jewish, he knew Yeshua, and he hung out with the chick that I wanted to be best friend’s with, so while I know there is a lot of sadness and people who need to be comforted, I am also grateful that my friend’s beloved is at peace, after running a GREAT race, literally, figuratively and theologically.  He will certainly hear those words that I crave one day “Well done, my good and faithful Servant.”  But, this entry is not about the guy that just died.  It’s about my friend MAD.

My friend, MAD, was faithful and prayer-filled throughout this ordeal.  You guys reading this think that I have been faithful?  Let me tell you - this chick HUMBLES me in so many ways.  Even in her last message, letting all of the prayer warriors know that her beloved had passed, she was SO PRAISING GOD.  She was giving glory to God for all of our answered prayers!  With people of so many faiths connected to my friend MAD and her group of cool family and friends, it has been a privilege and an honor to be among those who were interceding in prayer for MAD.  I know that MAD is so cool that she knows that God loves her and she, as I, really feels lifted up by all who have prayed with and for her.  In her darkest hour, she is giving glory to God, just as I knew she would.  Because she is consistent, just like her Lord,  Jesus.

The reason I am writing this is to let you know that we are all just people.  I have a tendency to put some people on pedestals, which is total idolatry, so I shouldn’t be surprised when people that I have lifted up for reasons other than their Godliness let me down.  As one who has put all of her hope in God, through is Son Yeshua, it is so encouraging to me personally to witness how a mighty tower, a true Proverbs 31 woman, has endured.  Sure - she was an overachiever to begin with (well except for that UVA thing - but my future daughter in law is going there on Friday so I really need to mellow on that) - but my friend MAD is just a chick, stronger and smarter than most, but still just a normal human person who has balanced family, friends and this great tribulation with amazing grace.  MAD is one of those people who makes me KNOW that I can get through what I need to get through.  Because, while I am generally NOT the overachiever type, as I said, I’m willing to do what I need to do to get to hang with such a cool person.

Right now, I am in a bit of a desert, but God is leading me out.  With people like my friend MAD running this race with me, beside me, leading me and giving me hope and confidence, I know I can do this, too.  I send all that I have to my friend MAD and her beloved’s family, and I ask, in the name of Yeshua, that many will be saved and lots of blessings will abound all around my friend MAD as she lays her beloved to rest in peace.

Thanks for the opportunity to dedicate this to someone who REPRESENTS.  I pray that, in the days when people are paying attention, I can be as faithful as my friend MAD.  I pray that every day, I can be like my friend MAD, who will probably smack me when she hears about what I wrote about her because, well mostly because she will think I’m a weirdo, but I’m willing to risk it.  I will be a fool for Christ any day.  My friend MAD walks the walk, talks the talk, and even though she is a totally capable person physically, emotionally and intellectually, she has chosen to put all of her hope and faith in God, my Father, through Christ, His Son.  As a Jewish girl, meeting that blondeshiksawahoooverachiever, and witnessing her great faith - well, per Romans 11:17 - I’m pretty psyched that through Christ, our branches are ingrafted and thus we are in the same family tree.  And that, my friends, is the ultimate family to be in.

Please pray for my friend MAD and her beloved’s family.  May God grant them comfort, peace and most of all, great joy and good humor, as they celebrate MAD’s beloved’s next leg of his race.  And may God enable me to be what I need to be to encourage my friend MAD as she has encouraged and lifted me up over the last year.  God is so gracious and I am just so blessed to exist among such great Saints in Caesar’s Household.  May the Holy Spirit continue to connect us and weave us together so that, with His strengh and Grace, we can make life here on earth, amidst the pain and loss and sadness and disappointment, not only endurable, but even beneficial.

OK - I know I still have to finish my last post and I will.  However, today, I give my heart and my prayers to my friend MAD because she isn’t just cool.  She’s faithful, obedient and she represents what I hope I am transforming into.  A mighty tower.   I close my prayer with this - we know that a Proverbs 31 woman can laugh at the days to come.  May my friend MAD laugh much as she and her family celebrate a life that was taken too soon.

As my friend MAD says:  B’shem Yeshua ha-Mashiach Adonenu

I had a deadline for my piece on the “10 Reasons our life is better because of Nick’s accident” but, frankly, I’m not done with it.  And its really going to be good when it is done and polished.  However, today, my lovely sister and her awesome kids came to visit and we all had so much fun together, that I didn’t spend any time writing.  Then, when they left, I started to write, but now Mike wants to go out to this free comedy night at the Starboard, which was actually my idea in the first place.  But, I didn’t think I would be missing my deadline.  But, since I have deemed this my “Mulligan” year [Sidebar:  some of you know what that means, and I don’t think that my “mulligan” year is over yet, Mike said I could probably have until 2009, but I digress…], I am going to cut myself some slack and just publish what I have as of 8:00 tonight.  This is DRAFT and the order is not fixed, so consider this like the first part of a serial commentary. 

Instead of writing more tonight, I’m thinking that watching some USA kicking butt in the Olympics and going to some free comedy thing is probably exactly what I should be doing for the next few hours anyway.  Thus – here is my draft of what I have (I don’t usually do “drafts”, I just sit and write until I don’t have anything else to say, then I try to reread and edit and then I publish, so readers usually get my “final” (whatever that means) cut.  But in light of the really nice calls and emails I have been receiving today, I wanted to share some of our blessings right now.

Net/Net:  The Cafferkys and everyone who has chosen to be a part of this adventure with us have all been blessed in so many ways.  Here is my humble attempt at communicating to you all some of these “blessings in the madness”  - just in case you started to feel sorry for us or me or Nick.  We really are pretty lucky/blessed/charmed, indeed. 

Thanks be to God, in the Name of Yeshua.

Nick’s Mom

 Reasons our life is better because of Nick’s Accident

 1)    We know that God is involved in our lives and that our faith in God and the personal relationship that we had already established with God, through Jesus, has been justified by God’s faithfulness to us.  Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see (Hebrews 11:1).  We are all at different points in our “walk” with our Lord Jesus, but it would be folly and conceit to believe that the outpouring of love and support for the Cafferky family is due to any deeds we may have done in the past.  We know that many have been moved by their own belief in God, to do some really cool stuff for us.  So many people have reached out and continue to help us adapt and learn and grow during this time in our lives.  Surely a great, loving and PERSONAL God has something to do with this.  And we are grateful to be a witness and give testimony to God’s Glory in all of this. The Cafferky family is a testimony to just how much God loves every family.   God’s work was being done by the  abundant and skilled hands of friends, family, neighbors and even strangers stepped up from the first minute they heard about the accident.  Just as the Israelites we fed manna and sweet water by God’s mighty hand as they wandered in the desert searching for their promised land, the Cafferkys were fed and cared for every day.

·         Great Falls, VA is the greatest hometown we could ever hope for.  People took care of our home while we were camping at Christiana Hospital ICU with Nick.  Friends and family helped Brendan get ready for his first day of middle school.  The principal of

Langley high school and Nick’s journalism teacher actually came to the hospital the first week to show Nick their commitment to his survival and ultimately healing – whatever that was going to mean to Nick and to us.  The Ridings of Great Falls, and then ALL of

Great Falls, immediately became an extension of the Cafferky family efforts.  Then it was the whole Forestville/GF/Cooper/Langley family all joining in.  From the first moment that my sister, Wendy, met Nancy Murray, I knew that there was a sisterhood that I belonged to that was greater than any sorority or club I could ever know.  In just a few days, our family had moms and dads and sisters and brothers that sustained and encouraged Mike and Elisa as we lived by Nick’s bedside in those first terrible weeks in ICU.  With people like LisaJ and JuliB and JodaC and all of our amazingly generous and kind neighbors, Mike and I were able to focus on Nick and the overwhelming amount of information that was being thrown at us at a time when we weren’t exactly at our best.  When the Ridings support became all of Great Falls, and then all of the

Langley

High School community it was amazing!  Our “village” took care of us, and continues to do so, and our gratitude is a fountain that overflows.  Honestly, Nick and I couldn’t believe that so many people were posting encouraging notes to Nick’s caring bridge site – we had no idea that so many people could care about us.  And then to be embraced by this community, this region, well all I can say is that I look forward to giving back to this village for years to come, God Willing. 

·         We learned that everyone coming together for Nick could be FUN.  This was NOT the worst thing to happen to our family.  In fact, it could be argued that some of what resulted was actually pretty cool:  we had block parties and barn dances and basketball tournaments and pizza night and “TeamNick” and LHS Sports and Redskins and a 5K and so many events that gave me, as Nick’s mom, a sense of peace and great confidence that my boy will never be alone or lonely and that his life can be just as rich and fulfilling as we ever could have dreamed.  Even more so, as I sometimes dream too small  2)    We have practiced and are close to mastering the skill of living 100% in the moment.  The getting up every morning and looking at each day with gratitude and faith that God will provide for me everything that I need for me and my family to survive and thrive in the day that the Lord has made, today.  We have learned that we can absolutely do whatever we need to do to care for our family.  I wake up every day and ask God “Please make me better or please make it easier today” and He answers every day with a new skill, a new friend, or just something to help us get through every moment as it occurs.  Because we know now, that in just a moment, a blink of an eye, everything could change and all that we once knew could become secondary to what we need to do in the moment.  And God always provides.  We have so many new “cool skills” (a la Napoleon Dynamite) that may be useful to us and others in the future.  Examples:

·         We can clean, remove, replace and care for a Tracheotomy tube

·         We are trained to use a “cougholator” and we are not afraid to use it [Sidebar:  I still maintain that cleaning the phlegm directly out of Nick’s lungs through the trach hole with that suckitysucktube was truly the grossest thing I have ever done and trust me, I have done some gross things.]

·         We have been to “graduate school” of Critical Care taught by our Spinal team and ICU staff at Christiana

Hospital

·         Elisa has gotten over her fear of poo and we have all mastered bowel treatments and cathing and I am proud to say that we have only had one UTI since he has been home in our care.

·         We have studied, and continue to study the methodologies and practical application of the Dr. John McDonald/Dr. Christine Sadowski school of restorative therapies for SCI patients.  We know A LOT about the spine, too.

·         We went to the school of hard knocks in Baltimore, MD at KKI, where the kind and competent and often fun teams of therapists, techs, nurses, doctors, students, and more from Johns Hopkins, and never forgetting the AWESOME BUFF JESUS, have enabled us to not only care for Nick, but actually help many people over time, God willing.  3)    We have gained a healthy appreciation for the state of Delaware and all of the cool people that live there.  We are big fans of Dewey Beach and really the whole state of

Delaware, which has represented itself really well during the most difficult time in our lives. 

·         Dewey Beach Patrol (DBP).  We have learned that the Dewey Beach Patrol is more than just a bunch of really attractive and buff people that kept Nick and his friends from playing football on the beach.  Instead, we were completely qualified to tell the film crew from TruTV (Not Reality.  Actuality.) of the well-trained, calmly confident, and absolutely HUMAN the Dewey Beach Patrol.  Dewey Beach may be “famous” for its partying weekends and good music scene, but I cannot emphasize enough the importance of having such a well-trained and dedicated group of men and women (some are really just boys and girls, truth be told!) that get up every day and do the same stuff over and over and listen to the same complaints over and over and get ready-to-play so that on that one day when everything isn’t exactly the same, and someone almost dies, that these trained professionals go on auto-pilot and follow a bunch of protocols that were probably drilled into them over and over while they had to run up and down the beach pulling tires, but I digress. 

On August 12, 2007, Bobby and Jeremy Shaw, from the famous and heroic Shaw family of

Wilmington, DE, were just hanging out on their chair, celebrating Jeremy’s very last day of work before he headed to NC to wrestle for the Tar Heels, when Jeremy saw my son Nick in obvious distress.  While I didn’t witness this part of it (THANK GOD), this strong and buff, but really not a very big kid, dragged my giant son, dead weight, from the ocean.  While every person on the beach associated with the DBP immediately acted exactly as they should in this situation, Jeremy resuscitated Nick, he and Bobby got him on the backboard and readied Nick for his chopper trip to a trauma center.Then, as if it wasn’t enough that the DBP team did their jobs with such competence, and evidently with great success b/c Nick is alive today, but then they stayed in touch with us!  Jim May visited Nick at the hospital on the first day.  The Shaw family became our family in

Delaware (along with the Boarmans) and fed us and encouraged us and kept Nick feeling up and competitive as football season approached and we had these adopted Eagles fans in our family.

·        Houston Street really is our home away from home.  We have learned that we have our Dewey Beach Family – our neighbors in the Waves condos who have been so kind and accommodating and involved in our adventure.  All of Houston Street neighbors, who once were just “summer friends”, have become family to us.  As long as it is God’s Will, I pray that we will reunite with these families for years to come.  I look forward to being a member of CathyB’s cool chick gang, and the certain fame that SuzanneR and I will surely experience once our TruTV commercial (“Not Reality. Actuality.”) hits the airwaves, meeting Tia’s baby sometime soon and watching him/her grow up as we have had the privilege of enjoying the Diaz and Macioce and Riemer families and all of the blond Shoop kids.  And of course we have witnessed the “not growing up” of regular beach house gang that have not changed at all in the last 7 years!   ·        Christiana Hospital, greater Wilmington area, as well as Philly and MD represented well.  I cannot say enough nice things about this DELMARVA area.  If you ever have to have a terrible tragedy and be “stuck” in a place for a period of time, I have to say that this area was filled with good, kind-hearted and quality people.  As I always say, all things considered, we really have been very lucky and blessed.  The Boarman family fed us almost every night in Delaware, starting with a crabcake feast on our first day!  The other families we met as we camped out at Christiana ICU we kind and humble and I know we all helped each other during a tough season and I have no doubt that God put us all together at that time for a reason.  We got the “Rockin’ Van” and friends like CristyR and CarlZ and others made us a part of their daily routines as we were living the Delaware/Philly suburban-livinginahospitalparkinglot-life. 4)    Our Family is a much stronger family unit. 

o       Mike and Elisa’s Marriage (plenty to say about this at some point)

o       All of our relationships with one another have benefited.  Brendan and Mom get along better than we ever have.  Brendan and Nick have gained a healthy appreciation for the existence of the other.  Mom and Nick have truly enjoyed one another’s company (no matter what we might say). 

o       The realization that our Cafferky family really means ALL Cafferkys and ALL Delmolinos and ALL Levitz’s and ALL Webbers provides a confidence that we never knew we had.o       Brendan got to be part of the Delmolino family and really liked it

5)    Five out of Five people agree that Nick has become a “better person”. Nick has matured by light years (although, I can argue that he is still a caveman, but I digress…), he has demonstrated a strength of character, an abundance of courage, and a positive attitude that has encouraged so many people, not the least of which is his mom.  I once led a bible study on Servant/Leadership where a fundamental theme of the study (of Joshua) was that character isn’t made during difficult times, rather it is revealed.  I am proud to say that Nick has revealed a strong, faithful, confident and courageous character during a great trial.

 

 

So, I’m not really mentally able to document all that has happened in the last few days, but I would be remiss if I didn’t take some time to thank some people for what they are doing to get us through this week.  We set a goal, and, God Willing, Nick will finish strong, getting his diploma and a handshake from Bill Clendaniel, the leader of the great Langley High School, a place where I am confident, our whole family has learned the most. 

1)      Thanks to all who worked hard to make it possible for Nick to attend the Senior trip to Six Flags yesterday.  While it proved to be a little bit more than Nick could physically handle, with the heat and bad air quality with his poor wounded lungs, he had a great time getting there and being there.  A special thanks to my good friend, SteveM, who played big brother to both me and Nick all day.  Even though his jokes were often lame, he kept us smiling and persevering.  Also, thanks to CarolW, who was a last minute chaperone volunteer, just because I asked her to.  And then, I didn’t even see her the whole time we were there.

 

2)     Thanks to all of the moms who were so gracious and kind and forgiving to me when I cried like a little baby during the video thing today.  I think I had a chance to thank everyone “in the moment”, but I want to give a couple of special shoutouts to a few gals who really got me through the day:  LynnS, PattiK, Seguewaygirlsmomwendy, EileenC, CathyD, SandraE, DebbieC and, as always, NancyM, who kept me from freaking out at least twice.

 

3)     I want to thank Jesus, my Lord and Savior, who helped me settle down and get ready for Baccalaureate tonight.  I prayed that He would give me the grace not to cry one time during the event, and He answered my prayer.  Since I had been crying non-stop since about noon, let’s give God some credit.  Also, in close second to Jesus, is mysisterwendy, who took the red-eye back today so she could be there for me tonight.

 

4)    Props and Praise to all who participated in tonight’s Baccalaureate for

Langley High School Class of 2008.  The music was AWESOME!   The words were meaningful and inspiring.  The energy was high and I really felt a powerful spirit there – like truly we were so much more than just a bunch of people together in a room.  I thank the kids and TraceyM for letting the Cafferky family communicate our gratitude and share our blessings with you all.  I thank Congressman Frank Wolf, who is so much more than “just another politician”.  I am confident that if we all got to know him better, we would be more proud and grateful that he represents our community on Capital Hill.  It was a great night that reinforced every single positive thought I have ever had about Great Falls, Virginia and Langley High School.

5)     Many thanks to Kyle and everyone who has helped and continues to help Nick finish this leg of the race:  High School Graduation with the Class of 2008.  To you all I give you this scripture: 

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.” - Matthew 10:42

 

Surely, tomorrow will be a great day and many will be blessed mightily.In the name of Yeshua, the Christ, I pray.Nick’sMom 

 

So our dear, dear friend, the very fabulous Dann Moss, who is married to the very lovely trophywife and one of my idols, Linda Moss, and step-dad to Allison and Andrew, has hooked us up with one of his fabulous good friends, a local sports legend, who also has this restaurant with superkiller lobster bisque, but I digress.  Evidently, Dann (and his brother) have been tight with Joe Theismann, Redskin QB #7, for many years.  Early in Nick’s recovery, Dann brought over a nice signed photo of #7 when he was THEMAN for the Redskins.  If you are a longtime Redskin fan or just a DC native, you know that Mr. Theismann has some real personal experience in the “career ending injury” department.

 Anyway - our new pal, Joe, stopped by tonight to hang out with Nick and the Cafferky’s and talk about sports, the capriciousness of the sports entertainment industry, and compare notes on players of the past, present, both on the field and in the booth.  I’m sure that Nick will talk about this on his blog, but here are my comments.

• He is SOOOO handsome.  I would say he is almost as handsome as Troy Aikman was when I saw him in December.  I just give Troy more points because he is taller.  But whatever - he’s not our FRIEND like our new pal Joe.  So, anyway, for the record, he is F*I*N*E and I have included pictures.
• I used to be a #7 hater, mostly because of a local gossip thing that was, of course, none of my business.  I probably didn’t know the whole story anyway (who ever does?) but I was all righteous with the “to whom much is given, much is expected” stuff, so it was embarrassing that I had actually dissed this nice man in the past to my kids.  Unless he is reading this, I know he never would have known I was anything but a big fan.  This is because he was so nice and charming from the minute he walked into my house that I felt bad that I ever judged him.    He is very real and authentic and down to earth and we were all very comfortable hanging out with him.  At least I was.  And I don’t think I acted like an idiot.  I don’t think that ournewpalJoe (who actually introduced mygoodfriendcarolwalker to her husband, Rick “Doc” Walker, hence is responsible for the birth of my darling black son, Austin Walker) hated hanging out with us.  He drank cherry kool-aid, ate a cookie, signed a ball for Nick and one of B’s redskin shirts, posed for pictures and was just a nice person who seems like he genuinely cares about Nick and wanted to encourage him.  Joe is about to launch his own blog.  Maybe Nick and I, uh I mean Nick, could volunteer to help out with that endeavor….:-)
• He was really open about his experiences negotiating contracts with “Mr. Cook”  (Jack Kent Cook, former owner of the Redskins),  his own collection of signed sports memorabilia, and his unceremonial severence from ESPN Sunday Night Football after consistent success - which was all really interesting to Nick, who is aiming to be in the sports entertainment business.  We all shared our mutual admiration for Dan Snyder and hopeful excitement for the coming season, with our new draftees and leadership.

OK - I am going to try to attach the photos now.  Stay tuned for the post “what happens when the power goes out” that I was writing before our newpaljoe came over. 

May God Bless everyone who is reading this, Danny and Linda Moss, ournewpalJoe Theismann.  We are so blessed to have so many excellent experiences and opportunities to meet real people who are excellent in their fields and in life.  We are grateful for these opportunities and I am grateful that God moves people like ournewpalJoe to want to engage with Nick and our family to encourage us and coach us.  Life is just a game.  We are blessed to be playing with some great players on some well maintained fields with depth of leadership and purpose to our participation.  We just want to finish this particular part of the game, this “race” strong.  Thanks to all of you who have been with us, beside us and giving us that God-propelled “cold drink of water” as we finish this leg and figure out the next part of the game.  [Sidebar:  Man I LOVE sports metaphors!]

I am mostly praying that we can finish this “leg” of the race (high school graduation) strong, not just barely crossing the finish line, but rather finishing like we started:  hopeful, unafraid, and having an impact upon and being impacted by others during this fun and hugely meaningful and transitional two weeks.  Thanks to everyone who continues to help us get to this finish line.  While we are sports freaks, and more into the whole elite athletics/professional sports stuff, I want you all to know that this isn’t, at least for me, about meeting famous people or getting autographs.  We are enjoying the opportunities to talk to some really wise and experienced people who encourage us and help us day to day.  I feel incredibly blessed and lucky and I feel like I am learning so much.  But - back to reality - I am kind of freaking out on the whole graduation thing, but everything is going to be great. 

In Christ Yeshua,

Elisa

So, I had one of the best nights I have had, maybe ever had, last night at the home of the most gracious and hospitable friend I am blessed to have, Brenda Nugent.  My plan is to do a complete party rehash on this evening, because I want to remember it all.  We all have our little ways of “remembering” events in a way that we want to remember them, but I think last night stood on its own and I just want to get it into my permanent record. The best stuff may likely end up in the excellent journal that Peg gave me.  Its been a long time since I did my journaling of old, with different colored pens and illustrations, but I have no excuse not to right now.  For the record, I missed Peg a lot and I was really psyched to see her and I totally remember why she was the first real friend I made at Virginia Tech back in the fall of 1982.

So - Peer Pressure.  Some Backstory:  For anyone who knows me well, I am a somewhat competitive person.  Not nearly as competitive as some would have me be, and certainly less competitive as the years go by (not that I have less to prove, but more that I am too tired to improve what I need to improve to be competitive in the domains that I would get pleasure from competing in), but I like to “keep up”.  If someone who I consider to be my “peer” or dare I say, “equal” in a particular category can do [fill in the blank with whatever stupid thing I use to measure success that particular season], then if they can do this thing, then I should be able to do this thing, whatever that “thing” is, whether its something worth doing or not.  Yes, I am just as much of an idiot that I was when I was 17, I’m just more aware of it now.  What a silly realization.

Anyway - last night, there was a lot of “peer pressure” to be able to do some of the things that we used to be able to do.  Now, if we were guys, those “things” would probably be stupid stuff like chugging something or getting a girl to pull up her shirt or whatever lame thing is considered “admirable” by guys today.  For me, I feel no pressure to do or not do drugs or eat or not eat some kind of food, I rarely give into the pressure to drink, but I do and I did last night, and there may have been a day, a long time ago, when I might have been the stupid girl that would pull up her top, but again, I am much older and wiser now.  Well at least I am older and wise to the fact that I probably look a lot better with the shirt on rather than not.   Unfortunately, I do have an achilles’ heel:   Physical/endurance/stupidhumantricks. 

Example:  Last year, when my friend Kelly, who was in the best shape of her life, with personal trainer and hot new boyfriend and anything else to  put her at the top of her game at that moment, did 20 full pushups.  Well - if SHE could do them, of course I could.  And I did.  And then I suffered for almost a week.  But I did prove that I could do it, too.  I guess that is my usual thing:  I don’t need to be better than anyone, I just want to be able to “keep up” with the group.  Now Kelly probably doesn’t even consider me a “peer” physically (truthfully- she can kick my ass in every sport we have ever played), but I am, and she probably won’t read this, so I can say what I want! 

So last night, my old college roommate, Reen, and I got into the stupidist, “well, can you still do this?” thing last night.  I don’t even know how it got started, and it was weird because frankly I don’t ever really remember competing with Reen in anything.  Well- when she put her leg around her head and said “can you do this?” - I was like, YES!  I actually can do that because B is always challenging someone to do that, and I want to encourage him doing some stretching, so I will play that game as long as I can play it.  However, I do know that I should not be making a habit of doing this little trick (I can do both legs, too, how about that you pervs who are reading this), for any number of reasons, not the least of which is that it is STUPID for someone with my spinal issues to tempt fate like that.  THEN - as if I wasn’t already being stupid and drunk, Reen says - “let’s take a picture” to which I was like “YES - PERFECT” (because I am an idiothead) and if that wasn’t already the stupidist thing, then Reen convinces me that the photo would be better framed (like this is an annie leibovitz shoot) if I used my left leg instead of my right leg in the photo.  Well, there’s a reason I used my right leg, and it’s because it is better to do that little trick with.  But of course, for no reason I can possibly find to agree to this, I did it, posed for TWO really obnoxious photos that Mike almost peed himself when he looked at it, but then, I guaranteed that my lower back would have the most amount of unworthy stress I could put upon it, ensuring that i would be in great pain today.  Which I am.  That said - I still hope to do more prepping for the big party before I go to bed tonight, but truthfully, if you are here next week, and the house looks even remotely good, its because of Mike and Doris.  I digress…

I want to write more about the great evening, but I am hearing thumping from downstairs and I know that ignoring it will not make it go away.   Well maybe it will, but that isn’t what we want, is it?

Net/Net - Thanks to all of the LB/VT gals who dined at Brenda’s last night.  I will be writing/calling/whatever to each of you individually.  Peg and Maureen - thanks for the books.  I appreciate your encouragement.  You have no idea how productive you make me want to be.

I pray that the Juvenile Diabetes thing was a great success today and I pray that I am able to show all of the gratitude that just abounds from me and the Caffs right now.  This will be a great two weeks.

Photos and more anecdotes to follow….

e

Remember back when we started communicating TeamNick’s story through our first site at CaringBridge (www.caringbridge.org/visit/nickcafferky)?  What we were doing then was to give our scattered friends and family information about Nick in real time.  We tried to provide a sense of what it was like in the ICU and living as refugees in Delaware as Nick fought the good fight to recover from drowning and get to a point physically and emotionally to “graduate” from acute care to rehabilitation.  Since that time, our posts have been less of a detailed narration and more of platform from which Nick and I can just share what we feel like discussing.  I am embarrassed to admit that I could write every single day, giving colorful  play-by-play on the reality show that is our lives.  However, I am not clueless or self-centered enough to think that anyone out there yearns for the minute by minute details of our “new normal”.  There was so much to report on and document when we lived in “General Hospital” - we had shaketyshakevests and cougholators and albuterolhookahs and the various tools and machines that kept Nick’s lungs work and alarm us on a minute by minute basis.  Now that we are back in the almost perfect suburban utopia of Great Falls, spending most of our days at Langley High School and Cooper Middle School and Fannie Mae, I have not felt the need to report on the details of our daily grind.  Tonight, however, I am in a great place to give you a little snapshot of what is going on in Nick’s world (where I usually reside - lucky me!) right now.

Tonight is a big night at the ballfields at Langley High School.  The star-studded Langley Varsity soccer team is having big hoopla at their game tonight.  There will be free chipotle burritos for a lucky few hundred kids, and rumor has it that some DC United guys will be here.  There are all kinds of cute little soccer freaks all over the place and I am impressed with the crowd so far.  In addition, Langley varsity baseball is home so there are handsome tough looking boys in uniform all over the place.  I brought Nick up here around 5:30 so that he could do his usual tailgating (”Leftfield Lounge”) with his buddies and I am sitting here in the van, while Nick and his really cool friends all cook out and toss balls around and play music that I listened to when I was in high school (AC/DC Back in Black is jamming right now from the baseball field speakers).

I say that this is an extraordinary night because it really is.  The weather is perfect.  These kids are all so nice and cool and friendly.  They are brimming with a positive energy that is just a blessing to enjoy as a spectator.  I am keeping to myself, but Nick’s friends fed me a hot dog and made me feel as welcome as a mom can be during “happy hour” at the high school.  I have prayed continually and consistently to my Lord that Nick will be able to experience his senior year with great joy and high expectations.  As always, He hears my prayers and He continues to bless me and my family again and again.  At this moment, I see Nick with a his friends, here at Langley High School, a place that has become a great safe and comfortable place to be, and he is laughing and smiling and sharing time with these kids that have been so crucial to Nick’s healing and restoration, and I feel so loved and safe and blessed.

Thank you to everyone associated with this community and this school and all of these amazing, cool, interesting, smart and positive kids who continue to make every day better than just bearable.  Nick is loving his life and so am I.  Thanks to everyone who is sharing this life with us.  I am more confident than ever that great and amazing things are going to happen for us all and we will all have great stories to tell and testimonies to share about God’s Grace, strong community, lasting friendships and how families have been knitted together just as God’s people are ingrafted branches in the huge tree of life that is rooted in God and grows larger and more fruitful each day.  This harvest is truly plentiful, and I am grateful to be working in this mission field.  How blessed I am indeed.

OK - I’m going to check in on the games.  The action is just starting on two fields now.  Thanks for listening.   Go Saxons!!!!!

nick’s mom

• Spring Sports have begun and, as Nick trusted assistant, I have embarked on my Saxons Spring Sports schedule.  When I figure out how to use the awesome Nikon that I just purchased from my friend, JohnW, I look forward to being able to take some good shots of the Saxon kids at play.  I will need a better lens, but no worries - I’m just back-up, Nick has a guy that is the real photojournalist for the Scope.  However, if I get some good shots, he said that he will give me a photo credit.   No matter what, it is fun to get out to these events with Nick, even though I have to try to make myself scarce so as to not cramp the boy’s style.  One of those blessings in the madness, I suppose - I would never have been invited to come along before.  I love watching these kids, and its fun to be in high school as a spectator.  The “playground dynamics” are a hoot.

• Langley Boys Varsity Soccer is a team to be proud of.  We only stayed for the first half, but our boys dominated TC Williams, and their passing, teamwork and altogether aggressiveness were fearsome.  A couple of these kids who were so aggressive and dominant were also names that I recognized from their awesome, inspiring and motivational posts to the old caring bridge site and to Nick’s current blog.  These guys (I am sure I am butchering their names, if I am even getting them right) - DarenF, RahulC, GrahamO and of course all of the rest, are really admirable, stand-up young men.  We are so blessed to have been able to bring up our son in a community and school system with such consistently decent, kind and capable young people.

• I will try not to write too much about any of the games because that is Nick’s job and I don’t want to steal his thunder.  However, I have to comment on Saxons varsity softball, who definitely prove that looks are deceiving, because while they are all really pretty girls, they are pretty fierce.  We walked up to their game as the third inning started and it was something like 25 - 0, and then some pretty girl hit a grand slam.  The game ended in the 4th inning, which is how they do the slaughter rule, with Saxons beating South Lakes 42 to 0.  What do you do about that?   [SIDEBAR:  Nick, Mr. Amico, Brian Murray and I were talking about what they should do about those kinds of situations.  It was obvious that the South Lakes team were all pretty much beginners and the Langley team gals were real ball-players.  We were up at the soccer match by then so we couldn’t see what was going on out on the field, but I have to believe that there were some bummed and frustrated kids out there.]

• This week has been the week of college acceptances for Nick’s friends.  While I have struggled a lot with some of this, Nick is just so happy for his friends.   I really am so happy and excited for all of our friends, but sometimes I just get so melancholy, thinking about how different everything is for Nick now.  Nick going to Va Tech next year seemed like such a foregone conclusion.  Now, we are talking about George Mason for spring semester, and then maybe transferring to VT or maybe even Maryland (only if he can get some grants or scholarships b/c out of state tuition is high and I can’t imagine paying over $20K a year for my kid to live in PG county, but I digress…)  If only Mason had a football team, I think that Nick would be really into their program, but he has always had big dreams about reporting first hand on NCAA Football, especially ACC or SEC, that would be hard for Nick to give up. 

We are so blessed to be as far along as we are now, and Nick’s prospects for now and the future are so bright, but I can’t help but be sad about what could have been.  For all of you out there who are just bumming because your kid may not have gotten into a particular school or you are stressing because your choices are so difficult to make - well, think about us and instead of feeling bad about your situation, or even feeling sorry for us, be happy and grateful for where you are with your kids right now.  That is what I am doing.  Keep dreaming big.

We have been enthusiastically following TeeShirtGirl’s reign of acceptances, and my response to the only school dopey enough to not accept her, Princeton, is that who wants to go to school in New Jersey anyway?  [OK - I know several NJ readers are out there, and Tim Higgins, my favorite garden state friend, has been a real prince of a helper to us so I will refrain from my usual NJ rants.] 

Our prayers for our bffLauren were answered when USC sent our girl the fat letter of acceptance.  TROJANS:  Not just for contraception anymore!  OK that was stupid, but thanks be to God for answering this prayer. 

SAVE THE DATE:  We are going to have a big party to celebrate Nick’s Graduation and all of TeamNick and the class of 08 will be invited.  It will be an Open House type of thing, we are still figuring it all out.  But keep Sunday, June 8, open at least for an hour or two.  Nick’s graduation will be as much a testament to the support of this community and LHS as it is due to Nick’s hard work.  This will be our opportunity to thank all of you, and for some of you to actually meet Nick and the crazy cast of characters that have continued to sustain us and be part of our story since August.  ALSO, MORE DATES:  We will get this info on Nick’s site, www.nickcafferky.org, but here are some activities to note:

•  April 11 - Langley Varsity Baseball Team Nick Night - Friday Night Home Game!  Nick throwing out first pitch!  Saxons dominating Madison!  Be there…
• May 4 - TeamNick 5K fun run/race - I’ll be there, walking.  Maybe skating.  Maybe riding on Nick’s wheelchair, but definitely not running because Nick said that I don’t have to!
• May 8 - Francesca Delmolino’s Bday
• May 17 - BalancePilates Rockville Grand Opening and TeamNick fundraiser.  More info to follow.

 OK - that’s just some stuff to catch you all up.  More later.  And I will push the boy to post, but the quarter ends this week and he has actually been studying and doing homework every night.  Unfortunately for Nick, he doesn’t have a college acceptance yet to give as his excuse for slacking and the quadriplegia excuse is getting old.  Just kidding, sort of

shalom for now - nick’smom

In the sweet name of Jesus, I humbly ask God to make sure that my son Nick and my other son, Brendan, and all of the sons and daughters of every person reading this post, EXPERIENCE every single pleasure that it is His will for any of His children to experience.  And, if I may so bold, I want my kids to have the very best of these experiences.  God, please grant my children at least a taste of all that is good and delicious and beautiful and sweet and crazywonderful.  God please provide them with an abundance of grace, self-control and   so that they can experience all that is good without becoming a slave to that sensation in any way.  Please, God, do not allow Nick’s physical handicaps, to be obstacles in any way as he continues his journey into adulthood.  Lord, do not allow any obstacles to stand in the way of our children’s potential to experience the most excellent physical and emotional pleasure and gratification.  Of course, those things excellent and gratifying will certainly be those that are God’s will for them to experience.  We rest assured that Nick and Brendan, and all of our children will experience the best of the best of the best.  Since we have God, we know that nothing can stand against us.  Nothing.  

You are probably asking yourself - Why did I just pray that prayer?  Well let me explain:  A little over a year ago, Mike and I got turned on to a Showtime original drama called Weeds by Allison Doman, our pop culture life coach.  Since Mike is cheap and refuses to let us get every pay channel that I want, we weren’t able to watch the show regularly, we waited for a whole season to come out on DVD.  We watched the first season and got totally hooked.  Allison gave me the second season which we had just started watching when Nick had the accident.  We have always been pretty open about what we watch with the kids (one “friend” actually decided that my poor judgement in this area  was the straw that broke his back and he wrote me out of his life forever), but we used to hide in our room to watch this one because we didn’t want Nick to want to watch it with us.  My rule on the appropriateness of a movie or show has pretty much been, if you are too embarrassed to watch it with your mom sitting next to you, you probably shouldn’t be watching it.)  I think Weeds was the first TV show that I knew that I could not watch with Nick, because I would be embarrassed.  I feel pretty safe saying this because I doubt that he is reading this.  I don’t know how often he looks at my blog, he’s not subscribed to it and I don’t make him do it, so it’s possible that he never reads it.  I don’t even want to think that is true, because it already makes me cry that some of my best friends don’t ever read what I write.  [SIDEBAR:  I do feel pretty sure that he won’t read this one, though, because with a titlle of “serious prayer” he will lose any interest he might have had in reading my words when he has to listen to me speaking my words all day.]  Anyway - the reason why I can’t watch it with him is because it is so convicting in so many ways.  I can’t even imagine the conversations that we would get into, and I do not lie to my sons.  It’s not just the drugs, either.  There are so many moral quandries and real ethical issues covered in each episode.  So while I’m watching this really intense but rather depraved show, I think about all of the experiences that Nick may not have, and I was so sad.  But then, I know that not every thing that can be experienced is in God’s will, so I shouldn’t be troubled or worried about Nick not experiencing the best of what this world has to offer him.  Instead, I will have faith that, because I know that every single good thing is from God, I will be confident that God loves us so much that He would never withhold any of His gifts from His beloved children, especially not a kid as cool and as wonderful as Nick Cafferky.  This is a fact.  Another FACT that I know, is that when two or more people come together in the name of Yeshua, our messiah, whatever they ask for will be granted to them.  I am extremely confident that there is at least one Christian person reading this, and thus joining in prayer.  So I thank you for your fellowship and faith, as we come together to God’s throne to pray for all of our children.

There are always problems, there are always solutions.  People keep asking me how I am able to cope with all that has happened.  My simple answer is just that I KNOW that Jesus Christ is with me, us, in all of this.  I could point you to a whole bunch of scriptures that say that say exactly that.  However, that would be meaningless to someone who doesn’t have a world view with the Holy Word of God as the absolute, first and final authority on every single thing.  But for those of you who feel like I do, who are joining me in prayer right now, you should take comfort and have great confidence that our God is very personally involved in our lives and He is all powerful so He is going to make sure that everything is going to work out just fine, not matter how messed up this world is or how weak I might be at any given time.Thanks for listening.  It’s been such a crazy year and I don’t even know who I am anymore.  I want to especially thank Margie and her really adorable daughter, Jacqueline, for the dinner and visit last week.  Also, props to Dr.Sumit’sMom for the delicious Indian dinner that was really different from every meal we have had.  Thanks to all of you who have been putting up with me right now in my bitchyjealoushater mood.  Thanks to Haleh, for just being so sweet all of the time.  And also, my dear friend, Susan Burns surprised me with the news that the launch of her fabulous new pilates studio will be a fundraiser to help us with ongoing Nick expenses.  More info on that to follow here and on Nick’s site, but I promise you that it is going to be absolutely fun and fabulous.  Lastly, my beloved friend, Laurie, is fulfilling a lifelong dream, and is moving to Rome next week.  Please keep Laurie in your prayers, that her travels are easy, she makes many great friends and that she remains under God’s powerful protection.  And, if it is God’s will, maybe I will get to visit her and experience some of the fabulousness and holiness that is

Rome. 

Thanks for being here and listening and helping me to be a better mom and person.

Love in Christ Yeshua,

Elisa

Hey!  So I just got the Great Falls Connection, and they printed Nick’s first week diary in total!  I figure that this will be a nice consolation for those of you (pretty much everyone that I have talked to) that really wanted to hear from Nick about the first week.  You can see it here:

  http://www.connectionnewspapers.com/article.asp?paper=65&cat=104&article=94513

Each day was just too packed with activity and we were too tired to journal with editing each night.  So, to do the article that our Editor, Mr. Kurspahic assigned to Nick, I took notes in my journal all week and his job was to give me the info for the notes and to take pictures.  Of course, all of his photos were of him posing with pretty girls.  Do you see his mother or Kyle anywhere?  No.  Do you see Mr. Amico or Mrs. Dolson, or any of the faculty who he should be buttering up with flattery for college recommendations?  No.  Obviously, his priorities are sorely out of whack.  I kid, I kid….

The net/net from this experience - from day one - is that friends are a great safety net.  I think that John Lennon wrote “I get by with a little help from my friends” but I have always loved Joe Cocker’s version of the song.  He sings it with the kind of passion (and out of control jerky body movements) that I really feel.  Not only have we “gotten by” with help from our friends, but we are doing GREAT.  And it is so cool to know just how many friends that we have.  We are so blessed.  We continue to push on toward our goals with our friends leading us, following us, encouraging us and carrying us.

This leg of the journey is challenging, but we are so grateful and pleased to be able to see and experience the busy-ness and over-stimulation of the “New Normal”.  I haven’t written a lot lately, because I have been so tired and also feeling, how do I say it?  Not really nice, or maybe even a little bitter about some stupid stuff.  No need to dwell on that, though.  Just know that I am going to stop feeling jealous of some of my friends and remember just how awesome it is that I have friends.  That WE all have friends.  I know that I should go to church more (when we go, we go to McLean Bible - which is totally big enough that no one will ever notice if you don’t go), but I have greatly enjoyed the fellowship of these great neighbors and other moms and dad and especially my new friends, the kids - like Meredith and Lauren.   I never would have had the opportunity to get to really know (well as much as a high school senior is ever going to let a mom know about their life) these really cool and interesting kids.  I am going to be bereft when everyone leaves for college.  But enough about me….

Nick had two tests this week, and he seems to be bearing up pretty well.  Brendan has been pretty sick with allergies and asthma and he has had some challenges at school, so I have been trying to spend more time with him.  Since Nick is really doing well, and Kyle and he seem to have things under control, I have been able to focus a little more on Brendan, which has been good for both of us (well - I think so, anyway.)   We had a really wonderful time with the DeLucas this weekend and Mike and I are actually trying to plan to go away, on an airplane, to another country, for a long weekend in April.  Please pray that we can make this happen.  The kids are all on board, Kyle is going to help and we are also going to have one of our favorite nurses from KKI help out, too, so God Willing, we can do this.  Truth be told though, I am terrified.  But everything will be fine.

Praise God, next week is spring break, which we are really looking forward to.  I am hoping to take the boys to Dewey for a couple of days.  That is kind of weird, because it always used to be Mike and the boys doing that stuff while I worked, and now its all turned around.  I definitely think I’m getting the better part of the deal.  But we will see if I think that when I come back! ;-)  We also might try to get to Christiana to visit the ICU if that works out.  I think it would be awesome to show the folks that worked so hard for us when Nick was so hurtin’ just how wonderfully he is doing now.  I know that it is a blessing to see the fruit of your labor.

OK - ACC tourney now.   I’m sure that Nick will have plenty to say about all that so I will wait and see if he jumps in.  Tournament time is big stuff around the Cafferky house.  I know that I will be carrying my bracket around come NCAA time.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Thank God!

elisa

First, let me say this:  God be praised in the precious name of Jesus Christ, His Son, who has strengthened us with His Spirit and who has walked with us, and carried us thus far in our journey.  It is so very important to give praise to God all of the time, but especially when there is a testimony as powerful as ours.  God has been so gracious to our family.  He has given us hope, comfort, healing and a community that continues to lift, nourish, teach and protect us.  

So, as you all know, today was Nick’s first day back at Langley High School to finish his Senior year with his friends.  Today was a “Gold” day, which means that Nick had to be at his first class at 9:15.  Since we have been praying and planning and obsessing about this day since we started this journey in August, you might think that we were totally ready-to-play and sitting in our assigned seats before 9:15 this morning.  If you did think that, well, don’t be so hard on yourself.  I was convinced that I had it all together and that we would be up and ahead of schedule to start the day.  Unfortunately, I woke from the purple haze of benedryl deepened sleep, feeling foggy and groggy. [Sidebar:  Anyone - besides Mike - that can name the two awesome songs that are referenced in the preceding sentence will earn the “cool” award and all benefits that confer from that worthy prize.]   

Working in super-slow-mo, I was not the inspirational leader I could have been on this exciting day.  Sitting here at 8:52 pm and honestly, I can barely remember 12 hours ago when we hit the road, this morning.  I know that we got out the door around 8:45 and we got to

Langley right after they switched classes.  Since I am already forgetting stuff, and the things that I am writing down are too detailed for this kind of journaling, I just want to jot down some of the activities and whatnot that I think are worth mentioning: 

• Thanks so much to the Langley teachers and staff and everyone who helped out today.   Special shout out to Michelle-the-nurse and Maha-in-the-clinic, my new friend Janet (Mrs. Dues), our gracious hostesses in the career center, and everyone who didn’t laugh in my face as I wandered around without a clue trying to be inconspicuous.
• Thanks to Meredith, the first familiar face I saw this morning and tonight (when I took Nick to Young Life at a some big house in McLean)
• Props to the LHS kids.  I just spent a whole day at Langley, and what a nice bunch of kids.  If there are any hoodlums or bad eggs there, I certainly didn’t see any.  Everyone was very nice, no one was any louder than a normal afternoon at my house, and people were remarkably not aggressive and really pretty mellow in the hall between classes scene.  Of course, Nick didn’t want me anywhere near him, so I mostly his out all day.  I will stay all day tomorrow, but after that, provided things keep going this well, Nick won’t need me there and I will sort of phase out of his school stuff.
• Nick was totally unfazed by the day, but he was completely exhausted when he got home.  He covered quite a bit of ground today cruising around in his chair, which is pretty physically taxing. 
• And, I think I can speak for Nick when I say that today was the most overstimulating day we have had in a long time.  We engaged with more people one on one as well as in group discussions, than we have probably since his accident.  It’s all good, but at least for me, it was extremely exhausting.  Nick fell asleep with his e-stim on about 45 minutes after he got home.  I slept hard for exactly one hour. 
• Apologies to Wendy, to whom I was uncommunicative, at best and pretty snippy, at worst.  I am actually going to call her shortly.  Hmmmm – could be too late for that….
• Someone brought us Boston Market, which I inhaled when I woke up.  Mmmmm – mashed potatoes.  Thank you. 
• I took Nick out to Young Life so we were out from about 7:30 – 9:45, but I heard that the Evens stopped by with ashleybrownies, so THAT is a good thing.  I will grab one of those before I go call my sister.

 

I am hoping that Nick will blog his point of view.  Meanwhile – I have some photos to upload and Brendan to visit with and Wendy to call.  Nick will be doing a column on his first week back at school for the Great Falls Connection, so I will be “managing” him on that particular deadline work.  I think I can dig this “new normal” for a while.  God be praised. 

 

Thanks be to God and to all of you.Love in Christ Yeshua,Nick’smom