Random notes that I really should just put in my journal but I think I’m so witty and entertaining, that I am publishing them so that I can inflict my opinions and remarks on life on anyone silly enough to subscribe to my feed:

1)    Sleep is NOT overrated, no matter what you hear from brilliant facebook publishers.  When a person doesn’t sleep for a couple of days, while eating nothing but leftovers from her son’s party Saturday nights and the “m&m”s from the office, there will be a crash around day 3.  Suffice it to say that some people might find their organs going on strike for rest and sustenance.  When a person’s digestive system just stops working, it doesn’t matter if you stop eating.  Bad things will happen.  Just trust me on this on, OK?  Make different mistakes.

2)   Being a sales rep again, while providing me with a great job and pretty good money to support the family, is sucking the very life out of me.  I thought I was going to die when Q1 closed with me not on my number.  Now it is the end of Q2, and this has been a rough quarter, to say the least.  All I can say is that I might just physically cease to live if I don’t start closing some business.  I just don’t have the stomach for this rollercoaster.  The only way to flatten out this ride is to get the big win earlier in the game.  Please pray that Q3 is an “UPSIDE” quarter, and the proverbial rally cap of me twilight of my sales career.  I have never mixed work and prayer so much in my life – the only way we will lose is if it is just not God’s Will for SAS to proliferate my territory right now.  In the Name of Christ Yeshua, I pray for 200%.  In fact, I pray that I am at least 200%, and still not the best producer in NSG.  Even though my boss is totally cracking me, I think he is a fine human being, our team is just so awesome and our products are above average across the board and some are even pretty amazing.  It must be God’s will.  [SIDEBAR:  it is worth noting that, this week, for the first of what will probably be many times, my boss told me have to stop the “God Willing stuff” that I always say when I talk about deals.  Evidently, someone might get offended by my proclamations.  Well, I’m trying to quit cussing all of the time.  First things, first, right?]

3)   It may be “just a car”, but the whole act of considering trading the AMG, then shopping for a car, then the test drive with the cute sales guy, then showing the boys, then the actual transaction, then having something NEW in my life that I chose instead of was chosen for me, well that was fun.   This is the first decision I have made since the accident that I made thinking only about me.  Of course, I my guys all figure prominently in all of my decisions, however this was the first time in years that I was selfish.  I won’t be making a habit of it, but I appreciate the opportunity.  So thanks be to God, whose Grace covered this whole thing – from me letting go of something I really cared about from the past to making a decision based solely on how I “felt” about something.  My feelings are rarely even in the top 10 evaluation criteria in the choices that I make in life these days.  Gratitude abounds.  [SIDEBAR:  I really do have a crush on my car guy and I really hope he doesn’t read this, but if he does, so what.  I wonder if he would be glad or completely grossed out.  Anyway – carguy, if you are reading this, pretend like you didn’t when I see you again.  You know - if I need an ashtray or something else I don’t use.]

4)   Nick having minor surgery this week.  It is a urinary tract thing and the result of the surgery will be that we don’t have to catheter him anymore.  I’m sure you are wondering why we didn’t do this before.  I am wondering that, too.  With that, please pray that all goes according to plan and is completely routine, and that Nick is much better for having this surgery.  Nick’s pre-op was today, Mike is going out of town tomorrow and Thursday, and then Nick’s surgery is Friday.  Please continue to pray for us as we deal with details in the new normal life we are living.  Please know that your prayers DO matter, and I DO feel you lifting us up, and God is pleased when you intercede for us (for anyone – not just us).  Thanks for living la vida loco with the Caffs.

5)   Props to the Oracle Alumni who have made a generous contribution to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  I cannot properly express my gratitude for the quality of the “fellow travelers” in this crazy industry that have been my colleagues and friends over the years. It seems almost crazy to remember that I was pregnant with Nick when I first met them some of these folks and, remarkably, some are still part of my life. [SIDEBAR:  The “fellow travelers” is a metaphor that Pat Kerrigan, a Sybase+ friend, used that I always thought was so apt. I actually think it’s a “Lord of the Rings” concept.   I will mention here that the Kerrigan Family:  Pat, Kathy (or Pathy and Kat as I sometimes say) Mike and Shannon have been “with” us consistently since the first day they heard about Nick.  If you guys are reading this, please know that you are always on my prayer list and you have been so great to us during this weird/tragic/uplifting/horrible/wonderful/blessed season in our family’s life.]    

6)   Nick just blossoms like a flower with each friend that has come home from school and each social interaction he has.   I realize he was starving for some real-life interaction with his peer group.  I think that we are at full friend capacity (most everyone Nick hangs out with is in town and inclined to hang out at CampCaff) right now, and Nick is just thriving.  He actually worked out AND showered last week.  He had a party on Saturday night, and he took  the reins on all party management, including delegating tasks to his friends and caregiver, Dennis.  In fact, I am really just now noticing how much Nick has been trying to be the boss of Nick.  I am pretty happy about  this and I am enjoying watching him thrive for the first time in a very long time.  Thanks be to God.

7)   I really enjoy “facebook”.   I have been pleasantly surprised by those who I have connected and reconnected with.  I wish I could just blog on my facebook notes, but I know most of you reading this don’t do the facebook thing.  Probably because your kids won’t let you.  Well, don’t NOT do the facebook thing (I will just call it FB from now on) just because your kids don’t want you to!  Just tell them that they don’t have to “friend” you if it makes them uncomfortable.  These kids think it’s all about them, when they need to realize that it is really all about ME.  No wait, it’s all about Jesus, that’s right.  JThat is all I have time for now.  However, I do have a pretty funny post-party story to tell so I hope to share that, since I am so witty and entertaining.  I do it all for the audience…. Anyway – remind me to tell you about the “Vodka Incident” on Sunday.  

Peace,

Nick and the B’s Mom 

     So here we are, almost two years into the “new normal”.  By all accounts, one would agree that the Cafferky family has weathered the storm, and that we are getting acclimated to the new climate of our lives.  Yet, each day brings new challenges, and to continue the weather metaphor, there will always be storms and uncomfortable conditions that  remind us that we don’t live in a place like San Diego, but rather, more like upstate New York or Minnesota.  No offense to natives of those regions, it is just fact that a geography that considers their four seasons as “June, July, August and winter”, does not exude feelings of constant comfort, easy travel and spontaneous outdoor activities.  That is kind of like what our “new normal” life is like:  dressing properly for varying conditions, having the right equipment to cope with unpredictable weather and difficult terrain or knowing when to concede to the environment and seek assistance or just stay home.     Try to imagine how difficult it is for a young man who has always been strong, athletic and courageous (or stupid – often the same thing) to find himself in this body that will not work with him.  Quadriplegia isn’t just being paralyzed; it is being trapped inside of a body that will not respond to orders and does not provide warnings of conditions that could be, best case, embarrassing, and worst case, life threatening.  Nick has handled the embarrassing things with a sense of humor and God-given grace that has eased this situation for us all.  However, Nick is not necessarily vigilant when it comes to being proactive with respect to injuries, complications or symptoms that should be explored.  Of course he hasn’t!  For his entire life, he has had that “shake it off” attitude – whether he was hit by a baseball or had his mug popped by Mike Sarson (old story – ask Nick about it – I think the video is on YouTube somewhere.)  Now, however, he, and we, MUST be aware of every single mark on his body, bump or scratch because when you have no sensation, you have no warning system.  I used to think it would be almost good to have no feeling in my body – life without chronic pain would be awesome.  But, without pain or discomfort, we will usually miss symptoms that, when left untreated, could be quite dangerous.     About six weeks ago, while we were in Blacksburg, Nick got a blister on the bottom of his right foot.  It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, and we did the bandaid/Neosporin thing.  It started to heal (or so we thought), so we didn’t really worry about it.  However, last week, while cleaning the sore and dressing it, Mike saw that it had become an ugly wound, inflaming his whole foot and looking like it was getting worse.  So – Mike made an appointment to have a doctor look at it.  Net/net:  When our beloved Dr. Haggerty saw it, she immediately took action to treat it as a serious symptom.  In a healthy person, by the time a wound could get this infected, it would be so painful there would be no way a person could go without treatment.  However, with no sensation below his chest, and no ability to even look at the bottom of his own foot, Nick couldn’t know that this was starting to fester.  So Dr. Haggerty got Nick checked into Fairfax Hospital [Sidebar:  We had to wait 4 hours for a room, but it was worth it b/c we got a private room with two beds, woohoo!]     Truth be told, I totally lost it when they called me to tell me that Nick had to be admitted.  I’m sure you all can appreciate my disdain for hospitals and all of the uncomfortable feelings that come rushing through my entire self when I think about my young man, once again, in a hospital bed.  But, thank you Dana – who helped me keep it together to wrap up my work and go meet the family, and thanks to Nick for being his usual “this ain’t nothin’ but a thang” attitude.  I mean, all he was upset about was having to miss the Caps game.  [Sidebar:  if you all know how that worked out, it’s probably good that he and his friends weren’t watching the game at our house or they may have trashed the place or started drinking – both unacceptable actitivies!]     So now, I am at home with Brendan while Mike hangs out with Nick at the hospital.  This morning, a specialist told us that Nick dodged a bullet and this was caught before anything really bad happened.  For that, we thank Dad and Praise God.  He will be on the extreme antibiotic therapy for at least another 48 hours, but we are hopeful he will be able to come home on Saturday.  And, we really are pros at this hospital stuff, so it hasn’t been as traumatic as it used to be.     I would like to share more about my personal feelings about all of this, but there is no time now.  However, I just know that, for the rest of Nick’s life, he (and we) will have to remain vigilant in his care.  We have to recognize limitations and know when to seek medical assistance or take a rest or whatever.  As I said at the beginning, we are adjusting to a new climate in Nick’s life.  Every once in a while, I get so sad that my boy’s life will be so much harder than it could have been.  I also struggle with feelings of guilt (are we doing enough? are we vigilant and aware? Are we too lazy?) and fear of the future.  And then, of course, there is the insidious bouts of self pity – the “Why us?”  “Why can’t it be me and not Nick”  “What did we do to deserve this” and the worst one “I just can’t take it anymore”.  But today is not the day to delve into my fears and depression.  Today, I am glad that Nick is OK, our family has a plan to deal with the current crisis, and, as always, God will get us through it all.  As Bob Dylan and my friend KimE says:  We don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.     I just wanted to let you all know what was going on.  Nick will be fine and he continues to respond to the antibiotics.  Please pray that he continues to heal, his nurses stay competent and pretty and wise, and that his doctors are really paying attention to Nick’s wound as well as Nick as a person.  Also please pray that Mike and my work is not negatively impacted and that we don’t drop any balls regarding Brendan’s needs and other family and friend obligations.  Trust me – we would much rather be helping others than being the perpetual family charity case.  But, as always, we appreciate your prayers and all of the kindnesses you continue to provide to our family.  The Cafferky family continues to keep on keepin’ on.  God be praised.     Just a quick side note:  Many thanks to KellyC., DianeP., CristyR. and DanaN for planning the big fun Cinco de Mayo Tech people reunion party last week that doubled as a fund raiser for Nick.  I am always so amazed at the generosity and love that so many quality people share with us.  It is pretty comforting to know that we are loved and that our family has such an extended family in our community, in our workplace, in our industry and among all of our old and new friends.  Thanks to all who contributed, and I give it an 80% chance that at least some will get thank you notes!      Thanks for following along.  I will keep you all posted.  Meanwhile, we will have mini-updates on my, Mike’s, Brendan’s and/or Nick’s facebook status’.  If you have “friended” any of us, you will get scoop.     May you all enjoy the blessings and grace that my Lord continues to shower over us all.  Our cup indeed overflows.Shalom!   Nick’s Mom

I read this description in one of my trashy magazines that are such a great escape for me when my brain gets too busy with things to worry about.  The article was about John Travolta and how he is dealing with the death of his teenage son.  Now, I certainly do not have the pain and grief that comes from losing a son.  Obviously, we were so blessed that Nick was saved and continues to adapt to his new self.  However, I seem to be having a harder and harder time with our new normal and where it has left me in my pursuit of happiness and success in life.  Perhaps it is because I haven’t been writing about my feelings and our progress so these thoughts just jumble up in my head and give me a perpetual anxiety attack.  Living life one day at a time is really difficult.  I cannot remember the last day that I didn’t cry at least once.  I can put on the act, walk the walk, talk the talk and keep up with work, but on the inside, I am sometimes just so sad and just fighting the hopelessness that comes with being afraid of whether I can make it another day.  Geez - that sounds so melodramatic, but it’s been how the last month has been for me.  Am I a good mom?  friend?  employee?  partner?  I don’t know.  But I do so want to be.

Hence, I am going to try to post today, to give thanks to some very generous people who have helped us financially, spiritually and with a kindness that I know that I don’t deserve – but my family does – so I thank you all for caring about the Cafferky family, in spite of my shortcomings as a friend, neighbor, employee, partner and sister in Christ.    I’m so embarrassed and tired of begging for money and help when so many other people have needs like ours. 

Please forgive my sporadic updates to those of you who continue to pray for the Cafferky’s and desire to know what is going on with Nick.  I know I have been promising to tell the story of how Jude, who seemed to be our savior as a caregiver, blew up and ended on such a bad note.  I’m still so sad about the whole thing but it is what it is.  However, I just wanted to tell you all the story and get it over with.

Jude, from the Philippines, came to live with us in November, recommended by Josh Basile and his caregiver, Dan.  Jude had just arrived in the United States when we met him and we hired him on the spot.  We were under the impression that we could formally sponsor him for a green card, and thus we could expect that Jude would receive a temporary work permit in a reasonable amount of time so that we could employ him legally.  The immigration lawyer we worked with, gave Jude and his sister, Algerica, the impression that a temporary work permit could be obtained in a 3 – 5 month timeframe.  This proved to be a naïve and overzealous ambition.As I am working in the technology field, supporting National Security Accounts, I knew that the process to get me “cleared” to work with my customers would be imminent.  With that, and frankly, my very strong beliefs in legal immigration and distaste for those who try to get around the rules, I knew that we would have to keep everything on the “up and up” with respect to Nick’s caregiver.  In addition, while we were treating Jude as a visitor to our country, he could not be paid by Nick’s Medicaid benefits.  So we were paying Jude an “allowance” and providing him with our home as his home, until his paperwork went through.  I don’t think that Jude had a full appreciation for the amount of money and time we were spending to help him to help us and how important his legal immigration status was to our ongoing relationship.  When March came, and I was informed by our immigration attorney [SIDEBAR:  His name is Mr. Winston Tsai of Bethesda, MD and I DO NOT RECOMMEND HIM AT ALL.  He is rude and condescending and habitually misled Jude, Algerica and me) that we could not expect any movement on Jude’s status for at least another six months.  At that time, I called my congressman, Frank Wolf’s, office and I was educated by a very kind Judy McCary about the real process.  I found that we were so far from where we needed to be that Jude, as competent and as helpful as he was, may not be the person for us.

Since we were losing so many Medicaid benefits, we decided to hire another caregiver to work with Nick during the day – one who would meet the citizenship requirements for our benefits.  My thought was that we would continue to have Jude live with us, pay him a living allowance and have him be a part of our family, helping us as he could, while we continued the process for his green card.  Unfortunately, that meant that Jude’s pay would be cut in half, as many of his caregiver responsibilities would be handled by our new guy, Dennis. Still, what we were paying him plus room and board, was a strain on our finances and we didn’t want to take money out of Nick’s fund for this. 

Evidently, this cut in pay – which I continue to maintain was not a salary but rather living expenses so that he could build his life here as we endeavored to make him legal – caused him great dismay.  He was concerned about supporting his family at home, but we were totally open to him finding other work during the day to augment his family allowance.  I think that Jude didn’t understand that our provision of his own room and all living expenses (including the fact that we were paying for his immigration process) was actually a compensatory benefit.  In addition, Jude felt that he was being taken advantage of in some way, and that the new guy, Dennis, was just leaving work for Jude to do.  I really tried to find some way to get Jude some additional work as well as have him help us with the chaos in our home.  However, this did not suit Jude.  At the end of March, Jude came to me, in the middle of a work day, and broke the news to me that he was going to move out and live with his cousins in Maryland.  This really shocked me for a variety of reasons and I was very upset.  Unfortunately, I had to go out to a scheduled appointment, and it was a Friday so Jude was leaving for the weekend.  I begged him to wait on his decision and that we would talk about it when he returned on Sunday and I was sure we could work it out.So Sunday came – and Jude did not show up.  On Monday morning, he did not call, he did not post, and Mike and I realized that he must have quit on us.  I sent text messages and called him with no answer.  Honestly, he has not spoken to me since that Friday.THe next Wednesday, Algerica, his sister, called me – but I was too emotional to deal with the situation (it was end of Q1, I was trying to close a deal, we were leaving to visit Lauren in CA in 3 days and needless to say I was stretched beyond my limits.)  Mike talked to Algerica who indicated that Jude had “not yet decided whether he would be working for us anymore.”  Mike, who was not as much of an advocate for Jude as I was, let Algerica know that when someone doesn’t show up for work and doesn’t call and refuses to answer calls and text messages, that they have made the decision  already.  I mean come on – I was hoping that Jude was loyal to Nick and wanted to be there for him, and I thought that we were going out of our way to help Jude with his immigration issues, and trying to make him feel like part of our family.  Obviously, if he could just not show up or call, he was not committed to my son’s well being as I had thought.  And that, closed the door for us.  So on April 3^rd, we left for CA, sad that our plans were changing but resigned to it.Then, weirdly, Jude (through Algerica and email – we still have not spoken to him since he left) indicated that he wanted to come back.  Well, that isn’t going to happen.  In fact, I now believe that he did this all to “call our bluff” – like see how bad you need me….now you will give me what I desire.  Well, the Caffs don’t respond well at all to ultimatums and silly games.  THEN – Jude sent Mike an email that sort of indicated that I was the problem and that he wanted to come back if Mike wanted him.  I guess Jude really misread our family dynamic, because I was his advocate from day one and he burned that bridge.So now we have Dennis from 9 – 5.  He doesn’t do the bowel treatments and he doesn’t do all of the stuff that Jude did to keep things orderly and Nick exercised and bathed, etc.  But, I am the only one that seems to mind that.  And truthfully, we really need to focus on getting help in Blacksburg for Nick, so this just expedited the inevitable, as Jude could not go to VT with Nick without the proper immigration status.There is more to the story, but that is the net/net.  Jude wanted more than we could legally provide to him.  Honestly, I have never met a person with such a servant’s heart yet was so prideful at the same time.  With that, Nick doesn’t care and Mike doesn’t care, so we continue to persevere with the help we have now and we are praying that we will find the right help for Nick when he leaves for his Freshman year at VT.

I feel really bad about how this all ended with Jude.  And I do miss him keeping our home in order.  Although, I do not miss the way he seemed to judge us about the way we live and our disorganized and chaotic life.  I mostly miss him folding the laundry! 

Anyway – that is the Jude story.  If anyone knows of anybody in the New River Valley area (Blacksburg, Christiansburg, Salem, Roanoke, etc.) that wants to consider a caretaker role for Nick, please refer them to me or Mike.  We are hoping we can find someone to live with Nick in his dorm room (maybe a student who is willing to step up to some responsibilities to help Nick in exchange for us paying for his room and board.)  In addition, we will need to have another resource that will be able to help Nick with morning and evening care (showers, bowel treatments, helping him get dressed for the day and in bed at night.)  Please pray for us that we will find the right help.

So I just wanted to get this over with.  I will be following up with another post to talk about where we are now, thank many for the last two fundraisers (The St. Patty’s Day party and the Cinco de Mayo Party) and all those who continue to pray for us and who have been so generous with time and money.  These last two months have really set me back emotionally so I have had a hard time posting, but I will.  Mostly because its the only way to stay in touch when our lives are so busy.

As always, thanks for caring.    Please pray for Jude, that he can find a situation that works for him and his family.  And thank you for your continued prayers for us.   While I feel overwhelmed and sad and melancholy (it didn’t help that I was horribly sick for almost two weeks) - please know that my faith remains strong.  I know that God has a great plan for me, and for my family.  I will continue to place my troubles at the foot of the cross and keep the faith that better days are ahead.  And I humbly ask you all to pray for Brian Murray who has another surgical procedure on Tuesday.  May God give his Doctors and Nurses great wisdom and skill and may their family be blessed with courage and reasons to be grateful.

A couple of shout outs - Jo Anne and Melanie - I couldn’t survive without you.  Luz, Liz and Juls - thanks for keeping me grounded in Christ.  My beloved husband who is walking with me through the fire.  Kelly, Cristy, Dana and Diane - thank you for Tuesday - what a surprise.

 PS - for all of those who donated at the St. Patty’s Day party, we found out that the Kidz Clubhouse is now closed so Mike sent back all of your checks.  If you still want to donate, please make checks to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  Unfortunately, this is not a tax deductible trust, so if you can’t do it, please know that we will understand.  I still have lofty goals to send thank you notes - we shall see.  But know that all of you are so appreciated and are always in my prayers.

 Love in Christ,

Elisa “not always a basket case” Cafferky

 

 

So I have received two phone calls, 4 emails and at least 4 subtle hints that I should write more about what is going on with Nick, the family, my new job, Mike’s travails at Fannie Mae, our dream of having Wayne Foley adapt our house to Nick, plans for Nick’s imminent departure to commence his college education at Virginia Tech, our challenges with medicaid and the immigration system, and all that continues in the saga that is known as the CafferkyNewNormal.

Obviously - with the new job, I have been pretty swamped, but I know that if it is God’s Will, I can keep this up.  I tried the Facebook thing, and I’m still doing it (addictive, short, allows for sarcasm and asynchronous relationships) but its mostly moms and girlfriends who want to read this stuff.  And strangers who are struggling in some way.

I wasn’t going to keep it up, but then an old friend told me that she established her own relationship with Christ through encouragement from this site (GOD BE PRAISED) and will be getting baptized this Easter.  When I heard that, I thought that maybe this is one of the ways in which I can serve God, give Him Glory, share some blessings, and, dare I say, miracles, and also humbly ask for prayer, support and even contributions to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  (Just FYI - the work on the house will be around $168K if we can do it, and the motorized chair Nick needs for college will be no less than $33K - whew does this stuff add up!)

So should I keep it up?  Are you still reading?  I would appreciate hearing about anyone’s walk with the Lord, as this really encourages me.  Of course, i will be judicious with the information I share about work, as I am just lucky to have a job these days, and there’s no need to be career limiting!  Especially when our financial needs are so specific and Fannie Mae (Mike’s employer) has been getting a really raw deal lately and thus is not the security blanket it once was for the Caffs.

While I am here - I humbly ask you all to pray for BrianM. and his family, who are still fighting the good fight (and winning) against the nastiness that seems to have TEMPORARILY moved into his body.  I also ask you to pray for Joe the Fitness Guy from Great Falls, who is suffering from mesotheioma (sp?) which is NOT just some disease that you hear about on lawyer for hire commercials during true crime shows, but a really debilitating disease which is so ironic since Joe is so healthy looking and fitness driven in every way.

I want to thank Jo Anne Lewis who continues to plan what I hope will be our last or close to last fundraiser (a St. Patty’s Party at the Grange on March 13) and maybe one other effort by Peggy Mockett to help us out, so that we can get the Foley work done to our Great Falls Foley built home, so that we can stay in Great Falls, with Brendan (God Willing) graduating from Langley HS like his brother did. 

With that, I thank Wayne, Kyle and all of the other Foley’s and their team who have provided us with such a reasonable proposal to do the work to make our home handicapped accessible for Nick.  With God’s grace, some success in my new job and the generosity of friends during these dire financial times, I am so hopeful that we will be able to get the work done.  It seems like it would be a horrible waste of all of the time already put into the project, and the obviously aggressive negotiating done on our behalf by Mr. Foley, if we couldn’t do the work.  But, God’s Will be done.

I also ask for God’s continued blessings on the Kidz Clubhouse, an amazing organization that supports special needs kids and their families, and has been such a great resource in our fundraising and awareness efforts.  May Diane Anderson, her lovely family, and everything she cares about be gently, yet firmly held up and blessed by the MIGHTY HAND OF GOD.

Lastly - I thank the ladies in my bible study, Juli, Liz, Nancy and especially Luz, who have kept me grounded and in the Word during these weird and trying times.  May God bless all that they do and may they see the fruits of their prayers in this lifetime.

OK - so long post just to give some thanks and see if people are still interested.  Are you?  As long as God gives me words to say - I guess I will keep saying them.  And please remember - this is all for God’s Glory in the Name of Jesus.  The Cafferky’s are merely humble servants in the great improvisational act that is Life directed by God.

Thanks for listening!

Elisa, who loves God in the Name of Jesus and always will.

So some person posted this on my facebook site today.  I just wanted to share it with you all because I want you to know that, while my faith continues to be challenged, I’m happy to report that the Holy Spirit is not grieved, and my faith, a gift from God, through Jesus, remains intact.  But we all need to know that the “enemy” is always around - trying to steal our joy or corrupt our witness.  If you see me letting the enemy in, please give me a good slap.  Because, I am very blessed.  And the God of our forefathers is Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent, so we never need worry that our miniscule requests for comfort, healing, intercession or ANYTHING are too much or too little for Hashem to take an interest in.  So I pray for myself, my faith, all of you, all of our families and communities.  And I pray, in the name of Jesus, for this poor angry person who obviously picked me out of the crowd to try to shake my faith.  I guess he doesn’t know the secret:  it’s not my faith!  It’s God’s.  And there is enough there for all of us, even “Francis Matthews”. who I believe is too cowardly/afraid/bitter/sad to use his/her real name.  May God show this person what he/she looks like through the eyes of Christ.  And may God show him/her mercy.  And may the Holy Spirit soften his/her heart, so that he/she may understand what real peace means and where it comes from.

Peace, I give you all.

Francis Mathews wrote at 6:11pmWhn you say “God willing”, which you frequently invoke, it sounds like some uneducated forsaken Islamic woman in a middle eastern village sending her sons off to jihad, i.e. death to westerners. I also think you should tone it down on the personal intervention requests to God; if the other billions of people in the world were so tenacious in their, God would need a full staff of people handling this massive “to do” list! I don’t think he is taking orders these days. Check out the Dow, the wars, the unemployment #’s, the illnesses and injuries and hopelessness…..seems like he was an active dude back 2000 yrs agos with his proxies Jesus and Mohammad roaming the earth….wonder why they appeared only then, in a small sliver of the world, and has since hid away….like he did when the Germans killed 6 million or so hard praying believers. Apply your super smarts and talents to your challenges andf your job, and THAT will make you win and praise God and all that fun(ny) stuff.

SHALOM.

Hey Gang,

I hope that everyone had a great holiday season and your new year started out with high hopes and great dreams of achievement and success ahead.  I know ours did.  I read back the comments written to my last posts, and it seems like so much is just OK - you know - the “new normal”.  However, our bubble has been popped and I feel the house of cards that we have so carefully built is about to tumble down.

I post this with such a heavy heart.  I feel hopeless, which is exactly NOT what this blog is supposed to be about.  I am feeling pitiful and I can’t stop crying.  I guess I should have known better than to make plans and to be thrilled about such plans.  Because we all know what God does when we tell him our plans, right?  He laughs at us.  And I don’t mean to say that our God is not kind and merciful, i just have to be a little bit more understanding and submissive to His plan, not mine.

So here is the scoop:  Nick got into college at VT - prayers answered.  I got a great job - prayers answered.  But all of this rides on Jude, our amazing caregiver from the Philippines that has brought such order and control to our tragic and difficult new world.  When we hired Jude, we paid almost $1500 to this immigration attorney who assured Jude and his sister that he would be able to have his work permit by January.  Well, now they are telling us it could be 6 - 8 more months.  His visa is a religious visit visa, so we thought that until his work permit came in, we could pay him.  Now, we are realizing that we have been breaking the law employing Jude on his visitor visa, even though he was “in process” for the work visa.  Mike is just adamant that we have to stop and I just can’t stop crying.  But, he is right.  Nick is not getting his medicaid payments b/c Jude doesn’t have a SSN yet, so not only are we paying out of our own money, we are missing out on thousands of dollars of state benefits. 

We cannot pay Jude out of Nick’s Trust because that is a strictly monitored tax vehicle, and even though i am working now, we are so in debt it is horrifying.  We just got this estimate from the very awesome Wayne Foley to do the work to adapt our house, and its so reasonable, yet, the idea that we could have $58K to even start the work, much less $167K to finish it seems but a pipedream.

So, I just don’t know what to do except to pray.  And I ask all of you to pray with me PLEASE!  Pray that Customs and Immigration show mercy on us and miraculously Jude gets his work visa SOON.  Please pray that if it takes 8 months, that he can stay and help us anyway.  Please pray that we can find someone legal so that we can start getting the medicaid payments.  Its like $11 per hour for up to 44 hours per week, which is not a lot of $ so we will probably have to get another live-in and get used to that all over again.  If we need to get another live-in, please pray that Jude can find a good place to be and that we can have someone that is as kind, competent, strong and able as Jude.  But it all seems so unlikely and so far away.

I have to do some traveling with work over the next two months (one week in January and two weeks in February for training) and my new job is great, but it is really hard.  And I’m like trying to keep it all together and still have hopes that our life can be a new normal with some stability.  But, that isn’t the case right now.  And I am afraid.  And God did not create me to live in a spirit of fear.

It seems like so long ago the accident happened, and I know that the Caffs really seem to be doing well.  And, all things considered, we are.  But this living day by day, praying for my manna and fresh water from God is SO hard.  And I am so sad.  But I worked today, and I will go to work tomorrow and the next day.  And I will pray in faith that my God hears my prayers.  I am mostly writing this so that i can tell people who care what is going on, because frankly, I cannot even talk about it without crying.  Dana asked me yesterday at work how it was all going and i knew i was going to cry, and I can’t start this new job as a crybaby.  But I am just sad and mad and wish that we could just get a break. 

Gosh I reread that and it sounds so ungrateful.  We have had so much help and such breaks - I shouldn’t even complain.  But as I said - its all so precarious and nothing ever seems to work out like it is supposed to.  I hate being a beggar.  I hate that I feel like I am losing faith.  Please pray for my faith, and for God’s provision.  He can move mountains - he can surely fix this.  I have never even prayed for Nick to walk again, you know that?  All I pray is for God’s will to be done.  I don’t want to break the law - I’m not a hypocrite.  But is it so wrong to have grown accustomed to a person who has made it possible for me to get back to work and have high hopes of sending my boy away to college with a caregiver that we trust and is so capable?  So please, pray for us.  Pray that Jude gets his work permit.  Pray that we don’t find ourselves without help just as I am starting to get into this job.  Pray that we have help when Mike’s company is in such a precarious position - I mean we don’t even know if he will have a job at the end of February.  Its not like the world is bullish on Fannie Mae right now.  I’m have become afraid of being happy or hopeful about anything - how pathetic is that?

I guess the bottom line is this - the Cafferky’s need a government bailout.  No I’m just kidding.  See I can watch the news again and I just heard that Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are asking for a bailout so maybe we qualify, too.  Quote of the day from  Larry Flynt “People can live without cars, they can’t live without sex.”  I guess that should make me feel better, since Larry is a quadriplegic like Nick, right?  Nevertheless, this was mostly just for me to get this all out so that maybe i can stop crying and start hoping and praying again.

The Lord is MY shepherd, I shall not want.  He leads me to green pastures.  He makes me lie beside still waters.  He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness (although admittedly i stray sometimes) for His Name’s sake.  He is currently preparing a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  He is anointing my head with oil and my cup overflows.  SURELY goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Thanks for listening -

Elisa “never to lose hope” Cafferky

Tonight, we celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus the Christ with some old friend in our old neighborhood.  Thank you Doman’s and Nelson’s for being with us through all of the ups and downs.  Arguably, we are on an “up”.

 Please let us take some time to thank God for making Himself a little baby to be born to Mary, a woman highly esteemed by, God.  I often wonder if my boys would have chosen me to be their mom.  Regardless, God chose me for them, and I like to think that they could do worse.

I hope I am moved to share more tomorrow, but meanwhile, to all of you who continue to pray for us and have loved on us - Thank You.  Merry Christmas.  Happy Hanukkah.  And may 2009 be a year of blessings, good health and remarkable miracles for us all.  Because some of us think we are due…

Just kidding.  Jesus is Lord and Christmas is as good a time as any for me to tell  you all who read this, even those whom I don’t know or who I once knew and know no more, that I love you all with the spirit of Christ.  May we all be blessed and may you all get to know my Lord Jesus as I do in this next season.

Love,

Elisa 

So - I wanted to write a really nice, moving entry about the happenings of this week, but every time I sit down to do it, I either start crying, or fall asleep.  Weird, huh?  Since, I really have to go get ready for the neighborhood cookie exchange (God forbid if I don’t bring back tasty treats for the boys), I decided I would just throw this out there and if the spirit moved me, I will be back.

 For the last few months, we have all hoped and prayed that Nick would get into Va. Tech and I would get a good job and hopefully, prayerfully, a new normal would commence, whereby we could pick up where we once left off before the accident.  I would like to report, with great PRAISE to GOD in the Name of Jesus, that Nick was accepted, Early Decision, into Virginia Tech’s School of Communication Studies.  Prayers asked and answered.  Check.

I will also be starting my new job at SAS tomorrow, working with some old friends and new friends on some accounts that that I really care about.  What’s not to like about that?  Prayers asked and answered.  Check.

I even had a chance to go out to CA and visit an old friend and reminisce about some old times and meet his new beloved and have a lot of fun, and have someone that I really respect remind me that I can do this stuff - because I never stopped having the ability.  I think this is what the jerk that called my stuff “Psychobabble” was trying to say, but instead he was insulting, patronizing and, obviously ineffective.  But to Rafael, and Karry, I say “thank you” for giving me some confidence back, and reminding me who ELISA is. 

And, Brendan’s basketball team, The Lakers (Ewww) are now 2 and 0, coached by the returning to GF basketball, Mike Cafferky, who really is a lot happier now that he is coaching and he and Nick are running the ref thing again.

So - I won’t get all deep here.  I just want to report the news.  The news of the new normal.  Truth be told, I am terrified of going back to work (I’m not worried about my new boss or his boss, my good friend, Kelly, hearing this - they won’t read it anyway!), but, I will not live in a spirit of fear.  As Nick and I always say now, one “proverbial” step at a time.

I will report back.  Please pray that we can get all the things done logistically so that Nick and Jude can go to VT in the Fall, and may I humbly ask for your prayers that I may succeed in this new job.  I really do like to work.  Being afraid is not really part of my nature.  I just want to go help some government agencies catch bad guys and keep us safe.  Sounds pollyanna - but all true. 

VT wins the ACC, Nick Cafferky becomes a Hokie, and the NEWNORMAL starts its march onward.  Thanks for being here and listening.  I’m sure there will be more. 

In God’s Grip,

Elisa (Nick’s Mom, Brendan’s Mom, Mike’s Wife, but now, maybe herself for a little while)

Now, I was thinking all along, that since Alysha’s place was on the first floor, we would have an easy time getting in and out of her apartment.  I was wrong.   Her “first floor” was actual in a sort of bowl of a hill, that required a normal person to walk down something like a dozen steps just to get to her door.   Picture a ski bowl at Vail, and that’s what we had.  But with grass and a wheelchair instead of skis and snow.  We would never have been able to deal without SuperVon, who managed to get Nick down that hill and into the apartment, and then, in the morning, get him back up that hill to the van.  While Alysha and her roommate, Nikita, were so gracious, I will say that the next time we go to Blacksburg, we will have to stay at a hotel.  However, with Wendy’s help, we all got to sleep some, and woke up in time to get the ManBoy ready for his big interviews. 

Now, I didn’t even consider that it would be over 70 degrees out in early November in theNew River

Valley, so the clothing I brought was all wrong.  Luckily, on a whim, I had thrown a light dress into the van and some nice high heeled boots.  Since I had planned on wearing this really thick, long wool sweater over nice brown pants with nice boots, I realized that there was NO WAY I could wear that without being a sweaty drippy mess by 9am.  Thus, I was glad I had brought the dress, however, the boots I had to wear with it were 3 ½ inch spike heels, and those were definitely NOT easy to navigate the campus in for meetings from 9:30 – 3:30.  [Sidebar:  I did look pretty hot though, which helped me keep my posture good, walk like I knew how to walk in those shoes, and feel confident.] I am going to do a different blog entry to go over the four meetings we had and to explain how very accommodating VT can be to Nick, when he is a student there.  I think that, even though we do not yet know the results of the meetings, I think that Nick and I put together a plan and executed it flawlessly to at least do everything possible that was in our control, to get him seen, heard and hopefully invited to the student body.  I want to share our plan in detail, because I think that it will be helpful to any kids who really know what college they want to go to, handicapped or not.  In my humble opinion, we put together an action plan that was superior to present Nick to the right people in a fully engaged, personal way, in order to increase his chances of “early decision” acceptance to VT.   In so many ways, college acceptance is a crapshoot, unless you are perfect in every way, like teeshirtgirl for example.  Eleven people sit around a table and review a virtually unknown kid based on some grades and a short personal essay, and then they vote.  He has one “advocate” in the group – the

Langley

High School liaison, Rebekah LaPlante, and she is the only one who will have met Nick personally.  Again, I will go over all this in another post, but I am confident that we did everything we could do, we did our best, Nick was confident and clearly enthusiastic about the school, and I think we achieved our goal.  Now it is in God’s Hands.  So we will pray that, on or before December 15, Nick will receive that fat envelope of acceptance in the mail.  If he doesn’t get in “early decision”, I know he will be accepted in the Spring.  But, due to our very complicated logistical and caregiver requirements, it is super important to have as much time to plan as possible.  And frankly, I think that it is in the school’s interest to accept him early if he would be accepted at all, because they, too, will be dealing with logistical issues, like class time and room scheduling, dorm assignment and other requirements that will affect all elements of the student experience that they are architecting for the Freshman class of 2009.   Some notes on the visit: 

• Usually, in college interviews, the parent accompanies the student into the interview.  For the two most important meetings, with the Department Director and the Admissions Director, Nick insisted on going in alone.  Now, I will say that this totally bummed me out personally (I likened it to when a sales rep does everything to set up a deal and then the VP sales swoops in for the fun “closing” meeting) but it also made me incredibly proud of my son, who demonstrated a clear self-awareness, confidence and desire to win that I had not ever seen in him.  My feelings may have been a little hurt, but I know this is not about me, it never was, and it never will be.  Nick, the ManBoy, is becoming a man, and getting ready to leave us to be as independent as he can be, and he is confident and unafraid.   And he did this all on about 4 hours sleep, which leads me to believe that he will then do just fine in college.  J
• Because many areas of Blacksburg are old and not subject to ADA requirements, and all of the buildings are made from Hokie Stone which is not easy to adapt, we had some challenges.  However, on campus, we didn’t find any area that he couldn’t get to (although we will have to get him a power chair, that is a given), some of the town places were difficult for him.  Getting into the Hokie House required him to be carried up 4 steps and through a narrow entryway, but everyone was so open to helping us, it didn’t phase Nick at all.
• As I said, Nick hooked up with several friends at school, including JessicaE, a former neighbor, who is on the volleyball team.  She arranged it so that Nick could tour Cassell Coliseum where the indoor sports are played.  He was pretty disappointed to find that there is very little, if any, handicapped accessible seating in that venue.  However, his friend Casey, who is involved with the athletic department as a cheerleader  [Sidebar:  Now before you go making fun of him, think about this:  football tickets are not guaranteed to every student, they are provided through a lottery system.  Casey realized that if he wanted to be at every home game (basketball, too) his only guarantee would be to do that.  He is a big, strong kid, who played football for four years at Langley.  Because of his strength, he also has the additional benefit of being one of the guys who gets to lift the pretty girls in short skirts over his head several times a game.  As I said to Casey, that is totally NOT gay!]
• Lastly, for those of you who have known me a long time, you know that I used to enjoy smoking these very unhealthy things called Clove cigarettes.  I can’t get them anywhere around here, which is just as well, because it’s stupid to smoke anything and its not good for me.  HOWEVER – the tobacco shop right next door to the Hokie House had them and I got some and I was/am SOOOO happy.  I love them!  The smell, the taste and the nostalgia of smoking a clove with my friend Oslo, in the crisp fall air was exhilarating to me.  It won’t become a habit (as I said, you can’t get them anywhere around here anyway), but it was a nice treat.  [Sidebar:  Do you think that smoking a few of these will affect the drug test I will have to take for my new work?  I was thinking, no way, b/c so many people smoke and all a clove is, is a cigarette with tobacco plus cloves.  Mike is a little worried, though.  So if anyone knows for certain on this, please pass on the knowledge.]

I thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement.  I ask for specific prayer that Nick be accepted early.  I also humbly ask that you pray that I make the right job decision and that I can jump back in with relative ease.  Finally, I give praise to God, in Jesus’ Name, for the successful trip and all of the fun we had, the information we received and the great people that we met.  To be continued…. Nick’s Mom

So, of course, with so much happening this very week, today was the day that I woke up crying.  And I can’t stop.  And it is weak and lame and is embarrasssing so I haven’t left the room (B is off school today).  I’m going to cry it out, pray with all my heart and remind myself that FEAR is the opposite of FAITH.  And I am a FAITHFUL woman.  I am blessed beyond belief and I have not reason to fear anything because God is with me.  But I haven’t woken up in tears, with full out stomach sobs before I even sat up, in a long time.  May not since the hospital days.  So I know the enemy is messing with me, and I will just be strong and rebuke it.  But first, cry it out.

I have two important interviews with companies I really like, tomorrow.  So I will prepare for those.  Nick and I head to Blacksburg on Thursday, for his introduction to what may be his next adventure.  Jude and his sister will meet with an immigration attorney this week to see if we can expedite his work visa, or even better, a green card.  An old friend is suffering from some ridiculously humbling physical illness and he has surgery - well sounds more like a procedure - he doesn’t share much - but I just want him to get better SO BAD.  And then, of course, there is this election, that anyone who know me, has me apoplectic (is that a word?  I remember my mom using that - but I’m writing without edits on the page today so no spell check).

So what does Elisa do when she is like this?  Well - I think I have shared this before.  I engage in all kinds of self destructive behaviors.  I have been eating candy now for 5 days straight.  I know I will run out of my meds early this month because nothing is soothing my pains and my soul.  I got all addicted to Facebook and THAT is just ridiculous - another thing to keep me in the house and not having a reason to engage.  And I’m not even going to share the other stuff that i have a tendency to do when I am like this.  (Rest assured - future employers - I’m not doing drugs and I’ve never been much of a drinker - my weaknesses are elsewhere and only a couple of people know what those are - and Mike is taking care of me and making sure - I hope - that I don’t do anything stupid or embarrassing.)  I’ve had to retell the “Nick Story” so many times now, I just posted a synopsis on my facebook site.  I hope that just tells it all.  I’m sick of the story and I’m sick of telling it.

So is the entry that reminds everyone that I am real.  I am not this super strong, ultra faithful person that about 90% of the time I portray.  Today, I will fast and pray, and read the book of Ecclesiastes AGAIN (when it all seems meaningless, folks, thats where to go) and I will rebuke the devil and I will get it together enough so that tomorrow I will be beautiful, confident and feeling like an expert in predictive analysis and secure storage and of course rapid, secure search and retrieval.  And I will vote for John McCain, and I will wait it out until the very end, and God’s will be done.  ANd no kidding, if my team wins - it will be God’s mighty Hand.  But - I am praying all day and lots of others are , too, so don’t understimate anything.  Nothing is over yet.  Every day is a new day.  Every day, dreams are fulfilled, illnesses are cured, the paralyzed walk and more.  Because, in my weakness, in OUR weakness, HE is strong.

Thanks for listening.   I appreciate all of you who have rallied by our family during these times, and especially those who have been kind to me, even though I am not equipped these days to be the best friend I can be.  For those who know me,  you know I’ll catch up and be the cool, fun, helpful, positive one again.  Maybe even later today.  That’s the beauty of bi-polarism, right? 

I ask for intercessory prayer to soothe my soul, for mine and Nick’s interviews, for healing for my friends - those who are afflicted with illnesses, and mourning the losses of loved ones and suffering the end of marriages, and for all of those who will feel bad, come Wednesday, when the election shakes out.   I have people I love on both sides of the vote - I know that some will be really bummed and I feel bad about that too (even though I pray I won’t be one of them.)  I still hope my team wins.  I thank God for the new friends I am praying with and for the reconciliations and reconnections that have been made.  I praise  God because I know, the pain and the sadness and that little inkling of hopelessness that has NO PLACE IN MY HEAD OR HOME, that this too shall pass.   By noon, I  hope, I will have it together, and it will be just another day to learn and grow.  And as you pray for me and those whom I love, I leave you with these words of Solomon from Eccleiastes, because he sums it all up best:

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter:  Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.  What this says to me is never fear, God is paying attention.  Let’s do our best to do His will, and everything is going to be as it should be.

Thanks for listening to Nick and B’s crazy mom.   I’m sure there is plenty more to come this week - stay tuned.

In God’s Grip I remain, and I won’t wiggle out…../e