It’s the time of the season…

So my dear friends, this blog needs to end.  A new book is about to be born.  In four weeks, we (as in, “I” plus the vulcans that live with me) start the newest stage of the race with our sons:  Nick goes to college.  Just like so many moms out there, my little baby boy, my “Coley”, will begin a new life where he decides what he wants to share with us.  My “little boy”, who is now 6′4″, strong-willed as the day is long, quadriplegic in body but superman in intellect (except with a potty mouth), will start college in a town about as far away as he can be and yet still be in the same state.

The whole Cafferky family dynamic is changing again.  And if you happen to be one who has followed this blog at all, you know what is the one thing that I have the worst time dealing with is that time between one season and the next.  It’s like a seemingly endless twilight to me.  Yet, I have faith that through our biggest, most challenging changes, some of the greatest blessings have come to be as a result.  For example, as much as I will miss Nick (and trust me, I am going to miss that kid like you don’t even know), I look forward to seeing how Brendan is able to thrive without being in his brother’s big shadow.  Because the B casts quite a charismatic aura on his own.  He is like a young David Letterman before DL became old and crotchety and mean spirited instead of cute and funny.  And, of course, he looks like young Brad Pitt, a la “Thelma and Louise”, but I digress.

I figured, I will get all open this very minute, I will share it and then we can consider a season of, well what I will call it does not yet have a name, will be over.  These two years have consisted of the longest days and some interminable weeks, and even some hours that felt like they would go on forever.  And with the exception for the first two weeks in acute care, and the first two weeks of rehab, I am as total a basket case as I have ever been.  I mean, I still have all that other stuff, but now I’m trying to make a quota.  Geez - just shoot me!  But really, I’m just kidding.  Mostly. 

Without a doubt, this is the most difficult week that I have ever had since the accident.  And yet, why?  This is such a blessing.  All I can say is that I will have to be strong and brave to fight the seduction of resting in an excuse to fold up and cry for about five days straight.  Mostly because I can’t because I have so much work to do and I don’t want to let people down.  But, God will only give me what He can handle with me.  And He is God.  And He is with me.  So, I can do this.  And if I can handle this, then everyone out there should feel confident they can let go and live a fearless life as a parent.  I’m not saying that if I do fail, then no one can do it.  But I am saying that I am trying, every day not to fall apart.  Not to blow off work or other responsibilities.  Not to fall.  If I should fall, then so be it.  But if I make it through this next 8 weeks, and we all know that I made it through 8 weeks of ICU as a mom, then any mom or dad out there reading this MUST KNOW that, if you love your kids enough, you can do anything.  Because it IS God’s Will that we love our families with all that we have.  So whatever situation you are dealing with as a parent, know that you can do it.  Because I am doing it.  And I am like the weakest of all of us.  God is REALLY strong in me.  But only one day at a time.

Thank God for this good day.  May tomorrow be as productive and encouraging.  If you want to know the rest of our adventures, you should join facebook.  It’s so much easier there.  I will keep writing.  

So I’m about to let go of the trapeze hoop and fly through the air, but I know that there is another hoop to catch and, with the help of Yeshua, then I will catch the next one.  And if I can do it, my boys can SURELY do it and so can all of you.  So I say, here’s to a season of living in victory.  Thanks for flying with us on our way to the “New Normal”, which is actually pretty good.  God be praised.

CaffMom