So I have received two phone calls, 4 emails and at least 4 subtle hints that I should write more about what is going on with Nick, the family, my new job, Mike’s travails at Fannie Mae, our dream of having Wayne Foley adapt our house to Nick, plans for Nick’s imminent departure to commence his college education at Virginia Tech, our challenges with medicaid and the immigration system, and all that continues in the saga that is known as the CafferkyNewNormal.

Obviously - with the new job, I have been pretty swamped, but I know that if it is God’s Will, I can keep this up.  I tried the Facebook thing, and I’m still doing it (addictive, short, allows for sarcasm and asynchronous relationships) but its mostly moms and girlfriends who want to read this stuff.  And strangers who are struggling in some way.

I wasn’t going to keep it up, but then an old friend told me that she established her own relationship with Christ through encouragement from this site (GOD BE PRAISED) and will be getting baptized this Easter.  When I heard that, I thought that maybe this is one of the ways in which I can serve God, give Him Glory, share some blessings, and, dare I say, miracles, and also humbly ask for prayer, support and even contributions to the Nick Cafferky Special Needs Trust.  (Just FYI - the work on the house will be around $168K if we can do it, and the motorized chair Nick needs for college will be no less than $33K - whew does this stuff add up!)

So should I keep it up?  Are you still reading?  I would appreciate hearing about anyone’s walk with the Lord, as this really encourages me.  Of course, i will be judicious with the information I share about work, as I am just lucky to have a job these days, and there’s no need to be career limiting!  Especially when our financial needs are so specific and Fannie Mae (Mike’s employer) has been getting a really raw deal lately and thus is not the security blanket it once was for the Caffs.

While I am here - I humbly ask you all to pray for BrianM. and his family, who are still fighting the good fight (and winning) against the nastiness that seems to have TEMPORARILY moved into his body.  I also ask you to pray for Joe the Fitness Guy from Great Falls, who is suffering from mesotheioma (sp?) which is NOT just some disease that you hear about on lawyer for hire commercials during true crime shows, but a really debilitating disease which is so ironic since Joe is so healthy looking and fitness driven in every way.

I want to thank Jo Anne Lewis who continues to plan what I hope will be our last or close to last fundraiser (a St. Patty’s Party at the Grange on March 13) and maybe one other effort by Peggy Mockett to help us out, so that we can get the Foley work done to our Great Falls Foley built home, so that we can stay in Great Falls, with Brendan (God Willing) graduating from Langley HS like his brother did. 

With that, I thank Wayne, Kyle and all of the other Foley’s and their team who have provided us with such a reasonable proposal to do the work to make our home handicapped accessible for Nick.  With God’s grace, some success in my new job and the generosity of friends during these dire financial times, I am so hopeful that we will be able to get the work done.  It seems like it would be a horrible waste of all of the time already put into the project, and the obviously aggressive negotiating done on our behalf by Mr. Foley, if we couldn’t do the work.  But, God’s Will be done.

I also ask for God’s continued blessings on the Kidz Clubhouse, an amazing organization that supports special needs kids and their families, and has been such a great resource in our fundraising and awareness efforts.  May Diane Anderson, her lovely family, and everything she cares about be gently, yet firmly held up and blessed by the MIGHTY HAND OF GOD.

Lastly - I thank the ladies in my bible study, Juli, Liz, Nancy and especially Luz, who have kept me grounded and in the Word during these weird and trying times.  May God bless all that they do and may they see the fruits of their prayers in this lifetime.

OK - so long post just to give some thanks and see if people are still interested.  Are you?  As long as God gives me words to say - I guess I will keep saying them.  And please remember - this is all for God’s Glory in the Name of Jesus.  The Cafferky’s are merely humble servants in the great improvisational act that is Life directed by God.

Thanks for listening!

Elisa, who loves God in the Name of Jesus and always will.

So some person posted this on my facebook site today.  I just wanted to share it with you all because I want you to know that, while my faith continues to be challenged, I’m happy to report that the Holy Spirit is not grieved, and my faith, a gift from God, through Jesus, remains intact.  But we all need to know that the “enemy” is always around - trying to steal our joy or corrupt our witness.  If you see me letting the enemy in, please give me a good slap.  Because, I am very blessed.  And the God of our forefathers is Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent, so we never need worry that our miniscule requests for comfort, healing, intercession or ANYTHING are too much or too little for Hashem to take an interest in.  So I pray for myself, my faith, all of you, all of our families and communities.  And I pray, in the name of Jesus, for this poor angry person who obviously picked me out of the crowd to try to shake my faith.  I guess he doesn’t know the secret:  it’s not my faith!  It’s God’s.  And there is enough there for all of us, even “Francis Matthews”. who I believe is too cowardly/afraid/bitter/sad to use his/her real name.  May God show this person what he/she looks like through the eyes of Christ.  And may God show him/her mercy.  And may the Holy Spirit soften his/her heart, so that he/she may understand what real peace means and where it comes from.

Peace, I give you all.

Francis Mathews wrote at 6:11pmWhn you say “God willing”, which you frequently invoke, it sounds like some uneducated forsaken Islamic woman in a middle eastern village sending her sons off to jihad, i.e. death to westerners. I also think you should tone it down on the personal intervention requests to God; if the other billions of people in the world were so tenacious in their, God would need a full staff of people handling this massive “to do” list! I don’t think he is taking orders these days. Check out the Dow, the wars, the unemployment #’s, the illnesses and injuries and hopelessness…..seems like he was an active dude back 2000 yrs agos with his proxies Jesus and Mohammad roaming the earth….wonder why they appeared only then, in a small sliver of the world, and has since hid away….like he did when the Germans killed 6 million or so hard praying believers. Apply your super smarts and talents to your challenges andf your job, and THAT will make you win and praise God and all that fun(ny) stuff.

SHALOM.

Hey Gang,

I hope that everyone had a great holiday season and your new year started out with high hopes and great dreams of achievement and success ahead.  I know ours did.  I read back the comments written to my last posts, and it seems like so much is just OK - you know - the “new normal”.  However, our bubble has been popped and I feel the house of cards that we have so carefully built is about to tumble down.

I post this with such a heavy heart.  I feel hopeless, which is exactly NOT what this blog is supposed to be about.  I am feeling pitiful and I can’t stop crying.  I guess I should have known better than to make plans and to be thrilled about such plans.  Because we all know what God does when we tell him our plans, right?  He laughs at us.  And I don’t mean to say that our God is not kind and merciful, i just have to be a little bit more understanding and submissive to His plan, not mine.

So here is the scoop:  Nick got into college at VT - prayers answered.  I got a great job - prayers answered.  But all of this rides on Jude, our amazing caregiver from the Philippines that has brought such order and control to our tragic and difficult new world.  When we hired Jude, we paid almost $1500 to this immigration attorney who assured Jude and his sister that he would be able to have his work permit by January.  Well, now they are telling us it could be 6 - 8 more months.  His visa is a religious visit visa, so we thought that until his work permit came in, we could pay him.  Now, we are realizing that we have been breaking the law employing Jude on his visitor visa, even though he was “in process” for the work visa.  Mike is just adamant that we have to stop and I just can’t stop crying.  But, he is right.  Nick is not getting his medicaid payments b/c Jude doesn’t have a SSN yet, so not only are we paying out of our own money, we are missing out on thousands of dollars of state benefits. 

We cannot pay Jude out of Nick’s Trust because that is a strictly monitored tax vehicle, and even though i am working now, we are so in debt it is horrifying.  We just got this estimate from the very awesome Wayne Foley to do the work to adapt our house, and its so reasonable, yet, the idea that we could have $58K to even start the work, much less $167K to finish it seems but a pipedream.

So, I just don’t know what to do except to pray.  And I ask all of you to pray with me PLEASE!  Pray that Customs and Immigration show mercy on us and miraculously Jude gets his work visa SOON.  Please pray that if it takes 8 months, that he can stay and help us anyway.  Please pray that we can find someone legal so that we can start getting the medicaid payments.  Its like $11 per hour for up to 44 hours per week, which is not a lot of $ so we will probably have to get another live-in and get used to that all over again.  If we need to get another live-in, please pray that Jude can find a good place to be and that we can have someone that is as kind, competent, strong and able as Jude.  But it all seems so unlikely and so far away.

I have to do some traveling with work over the next two months (one week in January and two weeks in February for training) and my new job is great, but it is really hard.  And I’m like trying to keep it all together and still have hopes that our life can be a new normal with some stability.  But, that isn’t the case right now.  And I am afraid.  And God did not create me to live in a spirit of fear.

It seems like so long ago the accident happened, and I know that the Caffs really seem to be doing well.  And, all things considered, we are.  But this living day by day, praying for my manna and fresh water from God is SO hard.  And I am so sad.  But I worked today, and I will go to work tomorrow and the next day.  And I will pray in faith that my God hears my prayers.  I am mostly writing this so that i can tell people who care what is going on, because frankly, I cannot even talk about it without crying.  Dana asked me yesterday at work how it was all going and i knew i was going to cry, and I can’t start this new job as a crybaby.  But I am just sad and mad and wish that we could just get a break. 

Gosh I reread that and it sounds so ungrateful.  We have had so much help and such breaks - I shouldn’t even complain.  But as I said - its all so precarious and nothing ever seems to work out like it is supposed to.  I hate being a beggar.  I hate that I feel like I am losing faith.  Please pray for my faith, and for God’s provision.  He can move mountains - he can surely fix this.  I have never even prayed for Nick to walk again, you know that?  All I pray is for God’s will to be done.  I don’t want to break the law - I’m not a hypocrite.  But is it so wrong to have grown accustomed to a person who has made it possible for me to get back to work and have high hopes of sending my boy away to college with a caregiver that we trust and is so capable?  So please, pray for us.  Pray that Jude gets his work permit.  Pray that we don’t find ourselves without help just as I am starting to get into this job.  Pray that we have help when Mike’s company is in such a precarious position - I mean we don’t even know if he will have a job at the end of February.  Its not like the world is bullish on Fannie Mae right now.  I’m have become afraid of being happy or hopeful about anything - how pathetic is that?

I guess the bottom line is this - the Cafferky’s need a government bailout.  No I’m just kidding.  See I can watch the news again and I just heard that Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are asking for a bailout so maybe we qualify, too.  Quote of the day from  Larry Flynt “People can live without cars, they can’t live without sex.”  I guess that should make me feel better, since Larry is a quadriplegic like Nick, right?  Nevertheless, this was mostly just for me to get this all out so that maybe i can stop crying and start hoping and praying again.

The Lord is MY shepherd, I shall not want.  He leads me to green pastures.  He makes me lie beside still waters.  He restores my soul.  He guides me in paths of righteousness (although admittedly i stray sometimes) for His Name’s sake.  He is currently preparing a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  He is anointing my head with oil and my cup overflows.  SURELY goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Thanks for listening -

Elisa “never to lose hope” Cafferky

Tonight, we celebrate the birth of my Savior, Jesus the Christ with some old friend in our old neighborhood.  Thank you Doman’s and Nelson’s for being with us through all of the ups and downs.  Arguably, we are on an “up”.

 Please let us take some time to thank God for making Himself a little baby to be born to Mary, a woman highly esteemed by, God.  I often wonder if my boys would have chosen me to be their mom.  Regardless, God chose me for them, and I like to think that they could do worse.

I hope I am moved to share more tomorrow, but meanwhile, to all of you who continue to pray for us and have loved on us - Thank You.  Merry Christmas.  Happy Hanukkah.  And may 2009 be a year of blessings, good health and remarkable miracles for us all.  Because some of us think we are due…

Just kidding.  Jesus is Lord and Christmas is as good a time as any for me to tell  you all who read this, even those whom I don’t know or who I once knew and know no more, that I love you all with the spirit of Christ.  May we all be blessed and may you all get to know my Lord Jesus as I do in this next season.

Love,

Elisa 

So - I wanted to write a really nice, moving entry about the happenings of this week, but every time I sit down to do it, I either start crying, or fall asleep.  Weird, huh?  Since, I really have to go get ready for the neighborhood cookie exchange (God forbid if I don’t bring back tasty treats for the boys), I decided I would just throw this out there and if the spirit moved me, I will be back.

 For the last few months, we have all hoped and prayed that Nick would get into Va. Tech and I would get a good job and hopefully, prayerfully, a new normal would commence, whereby we could pick up where we once left off before the accident.  I would like to report, with great PRAISE to GOD in the Name of Jesus, that Nick was accepted, Early Decision, into Virginia Tech’s School of Communication Studies.  Prayers asked and answered.  Check.

I will also be starting my new job at SAS tomorrow, working with some old friends and new friends on some accounts that that I really care about.  What’s not to like about that?  Prayers asked and answered.  Check.

I even had a chance to go out to CA and visit an old friend and reminisce about some old times and meet his new beloved and have a lot of fun, and have someone that I really respect remind me that I can do this stuff - because I never stopped having the ability.  I think this is what the jerk that called my stuff “Psychobabble” was trying to say, but instead he was insulting, patronizing and, obviously ineffective.  But to Rafael, and Karry, I say “thank you” for giving me some confidence back, and reminding me who ELISA is. 

And, Brendan’s basketball team, The Lakers (Ewww) are now 2 and 0, coached by the returning to GF basketball, Mike Cafferky, who really is a lot happier now that he is coaching and he and Nick are running the ref thing again.

So - I won’t get all deep here.  I just want to report the news.  The news of the new normal.  Truth be told, I am terrified of going back to work (I’m not worried about my new boss or his boss, my good friend, Kelly, hearing this - they won’t read it anyway!), but, I will not live in a spirit of fear.  As Nick and I always say now, one “proverbial” step at a time.

I will report back.  Please pray that we can get all the things done logistically so that Nick and Jude can go to VT in the Fall, and may I humbly ask for your prayers that I may succeed in this new job.  I really do like to work.  Being afraid is not really part of my nature.  I just want to go help some government agencies catch bad guys and keep us safe.  Sounds pollyanna - but all true. 

VT wins the ACC, Nick Cafferky becomes a Hokie, and the NEWNORMAL starts its march onward.  Thanks for being here and listening.  I’m sure there will be more. 

In God’s Grip,

Elisa (Nick’s Mom, Brendan’s Mom, Mike’s Wife, but now, maybe herself for a little while)

     The purpose of my blog is to be “real” to people who are drawn to y words for whatever reason.  When Nick had his accident, we were made aware of Caring Bridge (http://www.caringbridge.org) by Tracy Ryan and Wendy (my sister), and used that as a way to keep people apprised of the day to day (sometimes hour to hour) condition of the boy, and issues we were dealing with at that time.  Once we started writing, God put it on my heart, that we needed to keep up our journaling – first from mine and Mike’s perspective (and sometimes Wendy’s when we were too emotional or exhausted to do it ourselves), and then later with Nick leading the way on his view from inside the storm, and my view as a mom who was dealing with something that no one can really prepare for. 

     The Caring Bridge served its purpose, in that we were able to keep lots of people up to date on Nick’s status without having to speak individually to everyone who called and reached out, either out of real compassion, curiosity, noblesse oblige or a desire to help us endure during the difficult acute care stage.  Especially since we were in Delaware, trying to keep Brendan’s life as normal as  possible as he entered middle school, and allowing Mike to go back to work, which was our lifeline to insurance and just trying to make ends meet.  I cannot say enough good things about The Caring Bridge.  I recommend to every person out there who is dealing with a family health situation to take advantage of this free resource.  It provided us with three very valuable benefits:  We were able to inform those who care about us where Nick was on any given day, it provided a “comments” section so that all kinds of friends, family and strangers (who would become friends) to give Nick real-time encouragement – thus encouraging us, and providing some really cool notes for Nick to read upon his recovery.  Lastly, it provided us with a view of our world that we had not seen before – one that showed us that the world is, indeed, small, and we know so many people that not only have the skills and experiences to help us emotionally, physically, rationally, intellectually and spiritually during this amazing trial – but also just who much these people desired to help us.  That is a sense of community that I had never experienced before, and it proved to be the very foundation of our “new normal” that our family was going to forge. 

     When the “acute care” (ie: ICU) stage ended, and we moved to the Kennedy Krieger Institute (KKI) Baltimore for Nick’s next part of the journey, rehabilitation, we decided that we didn’t want to burden the Caring Bridge with the overwhelming amount of traffic we were getting (I am still so stunned at the response we received and continue to receive during this adventure we are on).  Hence, Dominic (Wendy’s husband), set us up with two sites via WordPress, http://www.nickcafferky.org and http://www.elisacafferky.org so that we could continue to document the journey from Nick’s point of view as well as “E speaks” which was my dopey, emotional and yes, I will say this, God led, Mom perspective on things.  We also found http://www/Determined2Heal  and continue to use Josh Basile’s generous resource to help us know what we don’t know and have a great place to look.  While we were still “inpatient” at KKI – I helped Nick a lot with his entries (also editing –which he hated, but served to motivate him to quickly learn his voice recognition software and adaptive technologies in order to get me out of his writing.)  Once Nick went back to school in March – we separated – with Nick doing his thing and me doing my thing.  With a few exceptions, we both have been cajoled, nagged and strongly encouraged to keep writing.  As life got busier for both of us, and Nick also began to write for his school paper, and then the Great Falls Connection, his posts became less frequent.  With his frequency waning, I felt that, since this was all about him, that mine should, too. 

     So, here comes the “psychobabble” as my words here have been described:  I can’t really stop.  This is a God led forum, and I don’t know where it will lead me.  Frankly, I don’t even think its about me, at all.  I have been blessed with an ability to convey some pretty complex and complicated concepts about faith and hope and endurance without bitterness during great trials.  It would be displeasing to my Lord if were to just stop doing this because I think that its time to “focus” on other things.  If it is God’s Will, then I will be able to keep doing this and do everything else I am supposed to be doing.  Further, I have been the beneficiary and recognized the great power of intercessory prayer.  Hence, this forum is a great place for me to ask for specific prayer requests, and also to receive very specific prayer requests so that I, and other readers who consider themselves, “prayer warriors”, may pray for comfort, healing, victory, and whatever other burdens my brothers and sisters bring to this place, so that we can, in fellowship, support one another and use the power of corporal intercessory prayer for the good of those with whom we fellowship. 

     I am digging on “Facebook” (although my kids think its an unhealthy obsession, but little do they know of some really unhealthy obsessions I have enjoyed/suffered over my 44 years – if they did, they wouldn’t care as much) and I appreciate the community, fellowship and connection it provides.  I will, God Willing (like with this new virus – God fix that PLEASE), keep doing it.  Mostly because I have reconnected with so many great people that I use to really like, and now realize that I have missed.  This forum, however, is to be REAL.  And by “REAL”, I mean (usually) unedited, raw Elisa, to show the world that ANYONE, can deal with ANYTHING, as long as they have Yeshua (Jesus to you Gentiles) walking the walk with you.  As you get to know me better, you have to know that I’m no super mom and I am not a really together person.  But, with God with me, nothing can stand against me.  And I stand strong on those promises.  No matter how much I am mocked, disdained or patronized for sharing those feelings.  And I guess that gets to the heart of the matter.  Talents. 

     There is a parable of Jesus in the New Testament, found in both Matthew and Luke, about a servant given some money (talents) to three servants.  One servant, afraid of the master, buried the one coin given to him, probably out of fear that he would squander it.  When the master returned, he was disgusted with the servant, for he was too lazy or afraid of his own weaknesses, to invest the money.  The master took the one talent away and pronounced that servant “wicked”.  Harsh, but that is what the master did.  The second servant, who got two of these coins, went out and carefully, according to his talents, doubled the master’s money.    The master was proud of that servant, to whom he had given just a little bit, but who had bravely tried to make the most of it.  The master invited that servant to share in his own riches, and trusted him with more.  The last servant, arguably the “most talented” of the three, was given five coins.  He was entrusted with the most, and as the master expected, this servant, used the money to invest in great things, and doubled the money.  The Master gave this guy the “well done my faithful servant” (something I yearn for from God!), and not only entrusted him with more talents (money, skills, whatever), the master also took the one coin from the weak servant and gave it to the wise, ambitious servant who was unafraid to use the master’s gifts to achieve great things.  For some time, I guess I thought I was more like the second servant – just taking what God (my Master) has provided to me, and tried to pay it all forward.  But now, I realize that I have been given great gifts from my Master, and I will be given more and more, as I am more generous and wise with what He continues to provide to me.  And, that is how I will use this blog.  If you choose to read – I will share all of my wisdom, from God, with you, so that you can multiply it, to His glory.  I will also share with you the sometimes ridiculous, sometimes frightening, sometimes painful reasons why I sought out my master for His gracious abundance.  That way, you all will know that when I ask (and when you ask), we will receive wisdom, and talents in abundance.  And thus – this will be a living testimonial to God’s very real participation in my life, and yours, if you choose to read this, believe it, and seek Him to meet your needs. 

     I’m going to leave this for now – just to let it all sink in.  Meanwhile – I am grateful to all who continue to pray for Nick’s acceptance to VT and the Cafferky family’s attempts at living our “new normal” life.  December 15 is a big day – let it be filled with God’s grace.  And as I end 2008, I will look forward to a year where old branches have been pruned so that new blossoms may thrive.  I will regret nothing, and I will lean on my Master.  I will accept abundance with grace and courage, and I will accept loss with a desire to learn and grow from what may seem to be unanswered prayer, cruelty, pain or sadness, because – psychobabble aside, I am loved by many, but most importantly I am loved by God, and thus I love everyone.  I really do.  OK this is rambling – but not bitter; thoughtful and not confusing.  I hope that it touches you in some way.  As for me, its just more of the “cleaning out” period that needs to be done as I endeavor to commence the “new normal in a little more than a week. 

     May God be with you all today and every day.  May it be His will for Jude to get his driver’s license, work permit and greencard so that I can focus on my new job.  And may we accept God’s will for Nick and our family as we have continued to do for the last 15 months.  But – I REALLY HOPE that VT says “come on down” to Nick in an early decision letter.  More to come with news on the 15^th.  Meanwhile – as always – your friendship and loyalty and honesty and REALITY is appreciated by me, and dare I say, my Master, too. 

In Christ Yeshua,Elisa

First let me thank you all for the nice notes and posts and other kinds of attention that was paid to my last post.  See – I told you I wasn’t done yet.  Its just all now kind of about me, and I can’t imagine I will be able to hold an audience talking about what I think about whatever, but this is my journal, so I will write when the mood strikes.  And of course when there is good news to share.  Hopefully, tragedy hasn’t come to stay.  It actually seems like we are doing OK, although I don’t want to get too confident.  

I am feeling very melancholy today.  Could be a girl cycle thing – can’t rule that out.  I guess its just that I look back at how horrible last year was but it was beautiful, too.  It was horrible because of what Nick suffered and how we all suffered with him.  But it was beautiful how so many people loved on us and cared about us.  This time last year, was probably the worst other than the first few weeks in ICU.  So, with that, I should be just so happy now.  And yet, I’m not.  I’m actually feeling pretty bitchy and jealous and put out and unappreciated, which is so selfish and really makes me hate me.  Obviously, I’m not in a good place.  I guess this “new normal” is going to take some work.  I want it to be a new BETTER, and it might be.  But it isn’t right this minute.  However, I just laughed hard so I will share why, just because I probably killed your buzz. 

SIDEBAR:  True story.  So Mike has these friends from college that I really love. He and Nick went to

Williamsburg to hang out with them for one of my favorite guy’s birthday.  Brad is awesome – total RED state Virginia boy, lives in backwoods outside of

Richmond and he has a vineyard of his own, and one day shall have awesome wine. He doesn’t “do the internet thing” so he won’t even read this so I feel like I can tell his story.  He hung out in with his bros, proudly wearing a McCain/Palin hat, taking no crap from anyone, and he told this story that Mike just told me.  Brad is a hunter, this season being bow hunting season.  Now this may sound totally bizarre, but I think those who hunt, and actually eat what they kill, you know Ted Nugent style are cool.  In fact, once long ago, I had this sort of boyfriend who was a bow hunter, and I have to say that it really turned me on.  It is just so accurate and manly.  Anyway, Brad was saying how he was out hunting deer with his bow, and out of nowhere, a giant bear comes rushing right at him.  And this was a “bigass bear”, and it was running FAST.  If you are familiar with bow hunting, you know that you can’t just turn around and shoot your bow at close range with a bear coming right at you.  As luck would have it, Brad happens to have a license to hold a concealed weapon, and he had his gun in his pocket.  So, in a scene that had to look like the Indiana Jones “Gun to a Swordfight” scene, he pulls out his pistol and shoots this bear just before it jumps on him to kill him.  Shoots him DEAD.  He even showed some grainy phone camera picture of it.  Now, he was NOT out hunting bear.  Evidently, the bear was hunting him!  As Jimbo in

South Park says – “he was coming right for him”, so it was self defense.  So – lets not all get the park rangers out to get my awesome manly friend Brad.  But I swear, I was just sitting here, feeling sad, and Mike told me that story, and I wish I could just hug Brad.  I’m so glad he didn’t get killed by the bear, and I don’t feel bad for the bear, because he seems like he was an angry, aggressive, alpha bear.  Unless of course, the bear thought he was protecting the deer.  Its not like it was Yogi Bear or Smoky the Bear, I don’t think.  But, let’s not dig too deep into the circle of life in the

Virginia woods.  I just like the story just as it was. 

So with that, I’m not going to write anymore about how “boo hoo” sad I am and how I realize that Nick doesn’t really need me anymore and I am about to completely start my career of 20 years all over again, from the beginning, which you think would make me all confident and feeling like a ringer, but instead I cannot sleep because I am afraid that I will fail and embarrass everyone who ever thought I was good at what I do.  See, I am a total mental patient – just looking for things to make me feel inferior and pathetic.  Forget that. 

Tonight, I had a great dinner at the Japanese Steak House for my beloved nugget, Peter’s birthday, I spent quality time “chatting” with my good friends in California, and Virginia Tech beat Duke (ugly high school quality game, but still one more ACC win on our way to tourney), and I really am pretty lucky to have secured a new job with a solid company that doesn’t run on imaginary money or products (provided I do pass that drug test – which I should but I am still worried about it, kind of like you get all paranoid when you see a police car behind you because you know that you are guilty of SOMETHING).  All in all, I am grateful.  I should be happy for the mendacity that awaits me, and I know I should stop pouting about Nick not being interested in hanging out with me anymore.  Besides, once all his friends get back on break, they will want me around.  I think. 

OK I feel better.  What I really need to do is do my bible study, which is about envy, which is really relevant to me right now.  This is because I envy all those who seem to have it so good, or make it all look so easy or just don’t seem to have to suffer or even know what suffering is.  I don’t want others to suffer really.  I just wish I could be a better sport when I hear about this friend doing this fabulous thing or that friend buying some awesome car or whatever.  See – I just hate listening to myself.  I’m jealous and I covet, and I am sorry.  At least I know what I need to work on. 

By the way – Nick visited William & Mary and still REALLY wants to go to Virginia Tech, so lets keep praying our prayers and thinking positive thoughts for the ManBoy.  AND, Brendan actually mentioned today that he was interested in getting Baptized, so that was pretty incredible to me.  And I got to see Wendy’s family twice in two days and even my parents.  And Thanksgiving is Thursday.  Thanks for helping me work through all of this.  As always – thanks for listening to me rant, as we wait in our holding pattern for new work and college acceptance and Fannie Mae sustainability and Brendan’s continued good attitude.  One day at a time.   

Struggling in God’s Grip,e 

For those of you with email notification, it failed again, so I’m sending this so that you know that there is a new post on the site called “The New Normal is Here”.

Talk at you all later,

Shalom, Elisa

It is crazy when I think about what we were doing one year ago.  Nick had just gotten his trach removed, he was mourning the loss of Sean Taylor, the 3-on-3 Hoops for Nick Tourney had just happened and Nick had experienced his first trip home since June of the previous year.  We were planning (or not planning, so it turned out) our first Thanksgiving since the accident, and preparing for Nick’s return home after 2months in ICU, 2 months inpatient rehab at KKI (Johns Hopkins in Baltimore) and we were making our plans for the next 3 months of outpatient rehab, that would require the two way trip, to and from Baltimore, every day until the end of February.  I haven’t gone back to read any of it yet, but I will.  So much of this experience has been a blur of constant prayer, hard work, humbling circumstances and the inability to know how we will deal with the next curve in the road.  But, I remember our Thanksgiving was the worst I had ever had:  We had two hours with the whole family together at the ESPN Zone in

Baltimore, definitely not a traditional Thanksgiving celebration.  At a time when we had so much to be thankful for, I remember being so sad and scared and lonely.  I had been warned by one of the moms (the horrible Mrs. Connolly) that we were about to embark on the MOST DIFFICULT part of the journey, which is going home with a quadriplegic.  MOST DIFFICULT?  Was she kidding me?  How could it be harder?  At least we would be home, together.   She had taken the one thing that I was looking forward to and turned it into something to be afraid of.   It is amazing to me that this was all just one year ago.  It seems like we have endured five years of life in this one year period.  If I had known then how much we would accomplish, and the kind of man that Nick was becoming and the incredible support from our community, family and the schools that we would receive, I know I would have entered into that next leg with a lot more confidence and certainly no fear. 

Now, here we are:  November 2008.  We have experienced all of the seasons in the new normal:  Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer.  He endured the intensity of 8 hour a day outpatient therapy, and I endured the trips to and from

Baltimore (almost) every day.  We had some awesome home school teachers (I still think fondly of Tam and Linda) and I learned what it meant to be a primary caregiver for a 6’4” ManBoy.  Things I thought I could never do, I learned.  I got physically strong and mentally tough.  Does that mean I didn’t cry a lot?  HAHAHA.   But, I was enduring, our family was getting back to normal, whatever that would mean, and Nick was just starting to thrive.  In the new year, we had our first caregiver, Kyle, who experienced the rehab with Nick and helped with the real heavy lifting, driving, and creating sort of a plan for Nick’s home rehab when we finished at KKI at the end of February.  Nick went back to school, and graduated from Langley High School, the best school in the world, and then Kyle moved on.  There were television interviews and newspaper pieces and ongoing fundraising efforts that were a constant reminder to us of how connected we were, and are, to a community and a region that really does care about people and take care of their own.  A lot of kind people gave so much to us, and we learned that we could give back by staying positive, and proving to everyone, especially people like mean Mrs. Connolly, that even though our life was certainly more challenging:   difficult, physically and emotionally painful and a true test of our endurance and resolve, we would do it in a way that would bring glory to God and inspire others.  I think we all learned that it doesn’t take superhuman strength to deal with such adversity.  I applaud those who are able to fight through these things alone and endure – I call those people “gods with a little g”.  However, I know that we were able to help others put their lives and challenges in perspective, to not be afraid to ask for help and to learn how to take the help that is provided to us with grace.  The Cafferky’s are not “gods with a little g” – we are ordinary people that were thrown into an extraordinary situation and we have continued to endure and even to thrive in the most difficult circumstances that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemy.  With our family and community lifting us up in prayer and providing us with all of the help we needed, we had a comfortable safety net that enabled us to keep moving forward toward our goals.  We sustained the long perseverance in, what we hoped, was a righteous direction. 

We visited the beach again, post accident, and Nick showed us all what grace and good sportsmanship really looks like, when he hung out with us on the beach and was just NICK.  The summer was a healing time for all of us.   Nicks dearest friends became our family and we were able to start the memory books of a new time.  While Nick was sad (and I was, too) to watch his friends head to college without him, we have had the blessing of Lauren to still be here and Von and Austin still pretty local, and tee-shirt girl is not too far away in Wahoowah-land.  Nick was able to cover fall sports for the local newspaper, finish his Virginia Tech college application, visit several schools and he was able to experience some of the real college scene at UVa, VT and UMD.   All signs seem indicate that we are about to finish the first marathon of what is going to be a “SuperMarathon” that will be our righteous path that we will all run/roll as we make our way, well into this journey, in the “new normal”. 

So here we are:  midway through the third month of the second year of this adventure.  Our house has not been adapted (we are still waiting for a quote from Foley for the work and we are hoping for one last fundraiser so that we can start the work and get it going until Mike and I can pick it all up and stand alone to support our family’s needs.), but we have a great new caregiver and we have a good plan for the future, with several contingencies should the road turn one way or another.  I realized that we had actually hit the “new normal” this weekend, when Nick went to UMD with Lauren, without me or our caregiver, Jude.  He sat in the pouring rain to watch the Terps pull out a great victory, and then stayed overnight with

Austin without us.  Nick is spreading his wings.  I just think of my sweet little Coley (that’s what he used to go by) saying so many times “I do it MYSELF, mommy.”  He is doing things, himself.    

Just a year ago, his trach had just been removed and he stood tall on a stander for the first time.   Now, Nick is his own social director, seems to be enjoying a pretty full life despite his limitations, and he has his sights set on going away to college, 260 miles SW of home at my favorite place, Virginia Tech.  A year ago, if you had told me we would be this far along, I would have laughed, and then probably cried.  Remember what Mrs. Connolly said:  we were in denial, we had no idea how difficult it was going to be, we were not mentally prepared for our situation.  Maybe that was true, but instead of despairing, we just put our hand to the plow and didn’t look back.  Nick is thriving and does not see himself defined as a quadriplegic, but looks at his physical limitation as just another ingredient in an extraordinary package. And I, no longer required to anything more than to be his mom (which is 95% awesome, but 5% sad to me), am allegedly ready to go back to work in December.  Just listing all of these accomplishments really do justify why my body and heart feel like 5 years have past, rather than just one.    

Why did I write all of this?  I think because it is time to end this journal.  I will print it all out, along with all of the kind and funny and encouraging comments that have annotated this journal of our adventure, and maybe it will be something I can publish, or maybe it will just be an old diary that we might revisit in challenging times.  Only God knows what lies ahead.  I appreciate all of your support and frankly, I appreciate that you have shared this experience with us.  I have made so many new friends through this medium and I hope that I have been able to convey a couple of messages clearly to all of you: 

• Bad stuff happens to good people, but God will not give us more than we can handle.  Those are NOT clichés, but the truth, and we are a living testimony to that.  We are not an extraordinary family, we just chose not to give up, but rather to submit to God’s will and find our way.  There is nothing that cannot be accomplished if you invite God to travel with you on your journey.

 

• Only through a personal relationship with God, through Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit, can anyone enjoy the faith-filled confidence that has kept us moving forward at a pace that no one would have been able to predict.  Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain about what you cannot see (Hebrews).  Hang out with Jesus, and you will have faith and faith provides confidence in hoping, and hope is what keeps us moving forward.

 

• Be open, transparent and as unafraid as you can be when faced with a struggle that might lead you to hopelessness.  I have been so gratified when I have received emails and comments and cards, and even sweet gifts and meals from women who have been encouraged by me sharing the details of our traumatic experience.  Stay connected to your community and don’t be shy about asking for help.  Try not to let the few that will certainly disappoint you during any part of a season or seasons, and instead be open the new brothers and sisters that God will send your way to help you carry your burden.   I followed my God’s lead in all of this and He brought so many amazing people into our lives.  I am grounded in a way I have never been before.  If I can make it through this, I promise you that anyone can.  I don’t have the strongest body and I don’t have the best attitude all of the time, but I have faith that can move mountains.  And we have.  Praise God! 

I’m not saying that I am going to stop this blog.  However, I don’t have as much to write these days that isn’t about me and the new journey that I am about to begin:  the mendacity of work.   I know that I will post something (some great news, God Willing) on December 15, with Nick’s response from VA Tech.  I also still want to share how we did the interviews, but I figured I would wait and see if our strategy was effective before I published our step by step primer on how to get some attention during the crucial college application process.  Hence, the big things, I will continue to write about.  You all have been so supportive to us during our toughest times, rest assured that I will publish all of the good things so that you can share in our joys. 

I have joined Facebook, and since it is a lot easier to post my blog on that, and include photos, etc., if you want to keep up with me, and us, I suggest you join Facebook and send me a friend request.  If I don’t know you, just mention on your message that you are a blog reader and I will accept the request.  I have it set up so when I post here, it attaches to my profile as a “note” there.  That way, you will get daily updates on our lives, timely photos, and if you are interested, details on my forthcoming work situation, whether we will have to sell the house and move, or whether we can do the adaptations to our home, the college situation, whether we can get Jude a work visa and then a greencard, whether social security and Medicaid is going to make my head explode or whether we can make it all work.  I have been surprised, humbled and encouraged that so many really good people take time out of their life to care about the Caffs, read my rambling posts and help our family in so many ways.  When Nick’s accident first happened, I got on my knees and begged God that Nick would never be lonely.  That was my greatest fear: That we would all be lonely and isolated and, yes, probably hopeless.  My prayer was answered immediately by Nancy Murray and our whole community, who have traveled this road with us from day one.  God has surely answered that prayer.  We have been blessed beyond measure.  I think this is what it means when Jesus said (in Luke 6):   

    Give and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down,     shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.      For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

So here we are at the “New

Normal”.  We will never be what we once were, but there is no reason we cannot be better.  Yes, things are a lot harder for us than they used to be before the accident, but we prepared for what lays ahead.  I am so happy to know that many of you have rediscovered your faith, or have initiated your own relationship with God through reading my words.  I have been so blessed to see Brendan come to believe in Jesus as his Savior, and, while Mike has not yet made that leap, he has witnessed the Holy Spirit at work, whether he recognizes it as God’s mighty hand or not.  All things in God’s time, not ours. 

To recap:  December 15 is a big day.  Nick will hear from Virginia Tech, and provided I pass the reference test and my drug test, I should be starting at SAS that day as an Intel Agency Account Executive.  We seem to have transitioned into the “new normal”, which was our goal all along.  And this year, my “mulligan year” (do over for free) comes to an end in a little over a month.  At that time, I will no longer define myself as a victim of a tragedy, but rather, just another person, fighting the good fight, in some really tough times.  I will be back with you, but much more infrequently.  However, as I said, you can go to www.facebook.com, join and then “friend” me, and you can keep up with me, my lunatic life and continue to share in my life.  And that way – I can share in your life, as much as you care to reveal on Facebook. 

As always, may God keep you and bless you, May He Shine His face upon you and smile upon you.  May He give you peace that surpasses all understanding.  Just remember, He does this one day at a time.  You cannot store up faith and grace, rather, you ask for your portion, accept your portion with gratitude, and use it for your good to glorify God in Jesus’ Name.  And then, you can do it tomorrow, and the next day and the next.  As I said – there is nothing super strong or remarkable about me.  I have faith that comes from God.  If you want that, just ask Him for it. 

I hope to see you soon on facebook.  Otherwise, unless something really exciting happens or the spirit moves me, you probably won’t get another post from me until December.  Please keep Nick in your prayers – he continues to be lifted and strengthened by your prayers.  Especially pray for Nick to be accepted “early decision” to VT.  Also, if I may ask, please pray that I can jump back into the work thing, make some people proud, and make enough money so that we can stay in this house, and maybe even do the mods we need to make it Nick friendly.  I wish great happiness to all of you as you head into the Thanksgiving holiday, and I know you all will be thankful for all that you have and hopeful for all that is to come.  For all of us. 

I love you all – even if I don’t know you all.  Please believe me. 

In God’s Grip,Elisa Cafferky (Nick’s Mom) 

Now, I was thinking all along, that since Alysha’s place was on the first floor, we would have an easy time getting in and out of her apartment.  I was wrong.   Her “first floor” was actual in a sort of bowl of a hill, that required a normal person to walk down something like a dozen steps just to get to her door.   Picture a ski bowl at Vail, and that’s what we had.  But with grass and a wheelchair instead of skis and snow.  We would never have been able to deal without SuperVon, who managed to get Nick down that hill and into the apartment, and then, in the morning, get him back up that hill to the van.  While Alysha and her roommate, Nikita, were so gracious, I will say that the next time we go to Blacksburg, we will have to stay at a hotel.  However, with Wendy’s help, we all got to sleep some, and woke up in time to get the ManBoy ready for his big interviews. 

Now, I didn’t even consider that it would be over 70 degrees out in early November in theNew River

Valley, so the clothing I brought was all wrong.  Luckily, on a whim, I had thrown a light dress into the van and some nice high heeled boots.  Since I had planned on wearing this really thick, long wool sweater over nice brown pants with nice boots, I realized that there was NO WAY I could wear that without being a sweaty drippy mess by 9am.  Thus, I was glad I had brought the dress, however, the boots I had to wear with it were 3 ½ inch spike heels, and those were definitely NOT easy to navigate the campus in for meetings from 9:30 – 3:30.  [Sidebar:  I did look pretty hot though, which helped me keep my posture good, walk like I knew how to walk in those shoes, and feel confident.] I am going to do a different blog entry to go over the four meetings we had and to explain how very accommodating VT can be to Nick, when he is a student there.  I think that, even though we do not yet know the results of the meetings, I think that Nick and I put together a plan and executed it flawlessly to at least do everything possible that was in our control, to get him seen, heard and hopefully invited to the student body.  I want to share our plan in detail, because I think that it will be helpful to any kids who really know what college they want to go to, handicapped or not.  In my humble opinion, we put together an action plan that was superior to present Nick to the right people in a fully engaged, personal way, in order to increase his chances of “early decision” acceptance to VT.   In so many ways, college acceptance is a crapshoot, unless you are perfect in every way, like teeshirtgirl for example.  Eleven people sit around a table and review a virtually unknown kid based on some grades and a short personal essay, and then they vote.  He has one “advocate” in the group – the

Langley

High School liaison, Rebekah LaPlante, and she is the only one who will have met Nick personally.  Again, I will go over all this in another post, but I am confident that we did everything we could do, we did our best, Nick was confident and clearly enthusiastic about the school, and I think we achieved our goal.  Now it is in God’s Hands.  So we will pray that, on or before December 15, Nick will receive that fat envelope of acceptance in the mail.  If he doesn’t get in “early decision”, I know he will be accepted in the Spring.  But, due to our very complicated logistical and caregiver requirements, it is super important to have as much time to plan as possible.  And frankly, I think that it is in the school’s interest to accept him early if he would be accepted at all, because they, too, will be dealing with logistical issues, like class time and room scheduling, dorm assignment and other requirements that will affect all elements of the student experience that they are architecting for the Freshman class of 2009.   Some notes on the visit: 

• Usually, in college interviews, the parent accompanies the student into the interview.  For the two most important meetings, with the Department Director and the Admissions Director, Nick insisted on going in alone.  Now, I will say that this totally bummed me out personally (I likened it to when a sales rep does everything to set up a deal and then the VP sales swoops in for the fun “closing” meeting) but it also made me incredibly proud of my son, who demonstrated a clear self-awareness, confidence and desire to win that I had not ever seen in him.  My feelings may have been a little hurt, but I know this is not about me, it never was, and it never will be.  Nick, the ManBoy, is becoming a man, and getting ready to leave us to be as independent as he can be, and he is confident and unafraid.   And he did this all on about 4 hours sleep, which leads me to believe that he will then do just fine in college.  J
• Because many areas of Blacksburg are old and not subject to ADA requirements, and all of the buildings are made from Hokie Stone which is not easy to adapt, we had some challenges.  However, on campus, we didn’t find any area that he couldn’t get to (although we will have to get him a power chair, that is a given), some of the town places were difficult for him.  Getting into the Hokie House required him to be carried up 4 steps and through a narrow entryway, but everyone was so open to helping us, it didn’t phase Nick at all.
• As I said, Nick hooked up with several friends at school, including JessicaE, a former neighbor, who is on the volleyball team.  She arranged it so that Nick could tour Cassell Coliseum where the indoor sports are played.  He was pretty disappointed to find that there is very little, if any, handicapped accessible seating in that venue.  However, his friend Casey, who is involved with the athletic department as a cheerleader  [Sidebar:  Now before you go making fun of him, think about this:  football tickets are not guaranteed to every student, they are provided through a lottery system.  Casey realized that if he wanted to be at every home game (basketball, too) his only guarantee would be to do that.  He is a big, strong kid, who played football for four years at Langley.  Because of his strength, he also has the additional benefit of being one of the guys who gets to lift the pretty girls in short skirts over his head several times a game.  As I said to Casey, that is totally NOT gay!]
• Lastly, for those of you who have known me a long time, you know that I used to enjoy smoking these very unhealthy things called Clove cigarettes.  I can’t get them anywhere around here, which is just as well, because it’s stupid to smoke anything and its not good for me.  HOWEVER – the tobacco shop right next door to the Hokie House had them and I got some and I was/am SOOOO happy.  I love them!  The smell, the taste and the nostalgia of smoking a clove with my friend Oslo, in the crisp fall air was exhilarating to me.  It won’t become a habit (as I said, you can’t get them anywhere around here anyway), but it was a nice treat.  [Sidebar:  Do you think that smoking a few of these will affect the drug test I will have to take for my new work?  I was thinking, no way, b/c so many people smoke and all a clove is, is a cigarette with tobacco plus cloves.  Mike is a little worried, though.  So if anyone knows for certain on this, please pass on the knowledge.]

I thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement.  I ask for specific prayer that Nick be accepted early.  I also humbly ask that you pray that I make the right job decision and that I can jump back in with relative ease.  Finally, I give praise to God, in Jesus’ Name, for the successful trip and all of the fun we had, the information we received and the great people that we met.  To be continued…. Nick’s Mom